May 26, 2004

d/c day

No blogging for a few days coming up - I have a caesarean tomorrow after lunch, and will then be in hospital for probably 5 days (I see no point in rushing home, where I won't be getting as much rest).

Bit nervous as I am going to have anaethetic, have a bloody great hole in me, and I know it is going to hurt!, and because I know when, there is this anticipation thing going. On the other hand, this pregnancy is coming to a very firm end, no wishy washy maybe about it.

Can you believe, I have to have breakfast at 6 tomorrow, but have to wait till after lunch for surgery? How am I going to cope without eating for that long???

Posted by Toni at 01:56 PM | Comments (4)

More dribble

Can't sleep this morning. Have obstetricians appointment this morning, and had a vision of him saying, well, how about we just induce you today?

Sudden thoughts of what having a baby in the house will mean to thesis progress, and instantaneous motivation to make some progress.

Gotta go!

Posted by Toni at 05:49 AM | Comments (0)

May 24, 2004

The Big One

Okay, its not that big, but I wanted to use the title. Went for a sizing scan today, and the baby is expected to be about eight pounds 3 ounces. Still no sign of spontaneous labour, have obstetricians appointment on Wednesday.

Slightly adventurous weekend. Saturday morning the kid had a vomiting bug. His comment - Its disgusting. This was actually hilarious coming from a four year old who has never really vomited before! I was very careful not to get it, imagine Ctraction, vomit. Repeat endlessly...

SeCdly, him and his dad went out Sunday afternoon, and on the way home the car died. This is not a good time for us not to have transport (!). R's friend from work has loaned us a car while his wife is in Auckland and doesn't need it. Phew! I was imagining going to the hospital on my own in a taxi to have this baby. (I almost turned the car down, figuring that Murphy's Law would mean labour would start while we were transport free...)

I promise to try and blog about non-baby things when the baby gets here.

Posted by Toni at 09:06 PM | Comments (1)

May 23, 2004

Learning to Shut Up

Yesterday R mowed the lawns. But he used the catcher, and I like to have the mulcher used - why fertilise the damn things then put the fertiliser on the train corridor??

Yesterday R washed the dishes and wiped the bench down with the teatowel. What wid dat? What's wrong with the dish cloth, which is supposed to be for wiping down the bench?

Yesterday R cleaned the baby car seat, and has left all the muck he got out of it in the bathtub.

Yesterday I kept my whinging complaining fat mouth shut, and enjoyed the fact that I have a husband who does help round the house. Some women would kill to have this kind of stuff to complain about.

Posted by Toni at 11:13 AM | Comments (0)

May 20, 2004

Still complaining

Baby is still on board. Am uncomfortable, tired, sore and grumpy. Ask the husband for Cfirmation...

"This is soooo true!!" luv the Husband

Posted by Toni at 01:02 PM | Comments (0)

May 18, 2004

Return of my life

I feel like when this baby gets itself out of me, I will get my life back. At the moment I can't even do simple things, like pick stuff off the floor without planning for how I am going to get back up. I look out my window beside my work station here, and see weeds that I can't pull out because I can't get at the blighters. I can't sleep in my usual positions, can't do the exercises I would choose to, can't even enjoy my food because of the heartburn. Wimper whinge whine moan groan grumble complain!

The sun is shining, the dog is happy because she had another walk, we are still within our budget, and I rang statistical supervisor and have proved myself not to be too stupid. Life is good, really.

Posted by Toni at 02:29 PM | Comments (0)

May 17, 2004

Reporting in

Had a good weekend, though it has obviously taken a lot out of me - I just woke up from a 2.5 hour sleep.

Went out on Saturday night to James's party, to celebrate his 30th. Its a bit bloody irritating as at 30 he has fancy cars, a large house, and computer and photographic toys to die for. We have none of that and are OLDER. Jealousy is so attractive, isn't it? But the party was a lot of fun, I met some people I would very much like to meet again, did some dancing and didn't miss the alcohol at all. Quite a bit of pregnancy talk, but with only a week to my due date, I guess I carry a Cversation topic before me!

Also got back the prints from the photos, and they are fabulous. James has tweaked them a bit, and played round with the colour, blurred them, fiddled with the background etc, and I am very impressed. Even more impressive, he doesn't want to be paid - says he hasn't done that kind of shoot before so doesn't need money, the experience was worth it. I did point out he is supposed to be running business there, but he doesn't care, and our finances ain't so grand so I'm willing to take the gift. I'll bring prints to the next stonesoup gathering if it is not too far away, and if you want to see you can then...

Sonia took me out for a early coffee on Sunday, and we talked about statistics. I feel much better about all these damn chi-squares, turns out I wasn't completely behind the eight-ball interpreting them. So I will plunk away on them, work out what I don't understand, and then ring the statistical leader.

Read a Fantastic book yesterday, The Bad Mothers Handbook, by Kate Long. Its a first novel, about three women in a family, who all live together. The gran has dementia and a colustomy bag, the middle one has just found out she is adopted and is dreaming of being rescued from her life by a man, and finding out she is really more upper class than working class, and the youngest is sitting her A levels, is an A student, and has managed to get herself pregnant to a complete jerk. Read it. Funny, poignant and a very bloody good read. Without sentimentality either.

Posted by Toni at 04:51 PM | Comments (1)

May 14, 2004


I looked up the trusty Oxford on this one, seeking inspiration, and found the definition is all tied up with St John's book of Revelation. Now there's an interesting read if ever I read one. I think all fantasy books published since and including Tolkein have used images and ideas from here. Dragons, personification of death, famine etc, horsemen in general, the rapture, wars, dot dot dot. You know, if the Bible says in Revelation that there are dragons, and it the Bible is the literal truth that some people say it is, well then There Be Dragons! Wish I could see one.

Apocalypse as total disaster to a select group of people seems to be happening a lot these days. There are wars and rumours of wars not to mention famine and plague every day in the news. With so much happy news around I am relieved I don't have TV, I really don't think I could cope. Too much empathy. But I guess I would get desensitised quickly. It must be necessary to cope.

I wonder if there will be another mass extinction event and whether we would survive it? We are pretty ingenious as a species so we might. I wonder if it will be on this planet?

Posted by Toni at 02:37 PM | Comments (0)

May 12, 2004

Wearing our naked clothes

Last time I was pregnant, I didn't do the really organised thing and get photos taken of the growth pattern over the ten months, and wished I had. This time, although the gradual expansion shots are interesting I decided I didn't want a series of photos of me getting fatter - I wanted some really classy ones done at the end, of me being as pregnant as possible. And to really see how the body has changed, there is nothing like taking your clothes off. Then the protrubence from the rib cage, and the way the body curves back into the hips - in fact the sheer drama of how pregnant you look is visible.

Since moving to Wellington we have become friends of James and Caroline. It was a strange start to the relationship - but that is another story. Anyway, James is a photographer in the weekend, and takes some great shots. Him and photographic partner have recently acquired a studio space, and so I asked him if he would be willing to take some photos of me in all my glory (!). He said yes, and last weekend we went to the studio and had photos taken.

There's some shots of the family dressed. And then some with the family naked. And the strange thing is we look a lot more relaxed without clothes, which is not entirely in character. C was running round the studio saying we've got our naked clothes on now!, and we were laughing at him. Somehow, I don't think we will be using those shots as Christmas gifts...

The pictures of me alone look pretty good too. I don't know that I am going to have them framed and put on the wall (though the family shot that I like the most, which is indeed with our naked clothes on, could well be in our bedroom). But I am very pleased to have got a record this time that shows how I look pregnant. Because one thing that is definitely for sure, I ain't getting pregnant again...

Posted by Toni at 11:35 AM | Comments (4)

At home

I think the hardest thing about being at home now is putting structure in my day. When I am work there is the trip in, the regular breaks set by the clock, various meetings set in the calendar, timelines that ensure a certain amount of motivation to get things done, the ride home. The dinner, dishes, reading stories, shower, thesis, bed. Weekends have their own lists. And so much is set externally by time pressure, so that sitting round doing nothing much actually ceases to be an option.

But now I am home all day, there seems to be endless time to do stuff in the morning, and nothing done by the end of it. The worst part possibly, is that I have an ambitious list of things that I would like to get done, so the fact that none of them are being acheived is actually a problem to me.

The solution, of course, is that I must insert the structure and the discipline into the day myself. It is easier said than done. But if I am to get this thesis done in the time that is actually available, which is essentially the next six months, I'm going to have to learn this skill.

One technique is going to be limiting the library books, so there is only one novel read a week. Not one every day and a half!

Posted by Toni at 11:26 AM | Comments (1)

May 10, 2004

Me and the emergency service

've met people that have never dialled 111. Heck, C has dialled 111 and he's just turned 4. In this house, we all have experience!

My first time I was about 13 or so and the neighbours house was on fire. So I rang the fire brigade. The house still burnt down, but some stuff was saved, and no-one died. Our swimming pool was emptied. I remember the firemen cursing a recalcitrent pump, and the glass in the windows collapsing in the heat.

I've rung the ambulance, and I have been in the situation where I should have rung the damn ambulance, and stopped being too independent. C could have died cos I didn't think of ringing, just automatically 'solved' my own problem.

And at this house have rung the emergency number twice. Once for a burning car in front of the house, and on Saturday, because there was a man and a woman fighting in front of our house. Its an exciting life I lead dearies!

I'm thinking this place attracts trouble because it is at the end of a dead end street with a ramp to the train station. Sort of obscure but with lots of access as well.

This is my first day at home on maternity leave. We have worked out we don't have enough money to live like we have been. We also found we had entered a DVD from Whitcoulls into the budget program as costing $38 000. Fixing that little error has done an amazing amount to make it look like we are going to make it.

Gotta do thesis. Have spent too much time trying to Cnect Outlook to the internet, and doing stuff like washing and lawns.

Posted by Toni at 02:21 PM | Comments (1)

May 03, 2004

Tra lah lah booms i ay

I uninstalled Norton this afternoon, and have my happy little computer back. I can write to people and they can write back. And I can now write to the supervisor and send him the multi-coloured chapter 3. There are so many track changes on it now it is really hard to see what the words really are. I am asking the supervisor to sort that - my pregnancy brain isn't really working fast enough to sort it out.

C is making a huge performance about dark monsters at the moment. Drives everyone mad.

Posted by Toni at 07:33 PM | Comments (0)

May 01, 2004

untrue things

We are a team at work, without egos, and without the need for scapegoats, and we don't need to protect ourselves with gratuitous memo writing or email documentation.

Disabled people love telling you their intimate medical history, just because you want to know why they are blind, deaf, crippled etc.

Blogging is really easy, you just sit down and well thought out and brilliantly crafted writing flows from your fingertips every day.

Cats never shed fur or cause any damage to clothing or furniture.

Kids are no problem, and don't interfere with your life, ambitions, relationships or dinner menus in any way.

Posted by Toni at 03:03 PM | Comments (0)