It’s that time of year again: I’m making an album. In July 2001 I forked out $550 to bring Paul Winstanley down from Auckland to be engineer, hired Thistle Hall and a professional mixing desk, and somehow roped in Chris O’Connor, Chris Palmer and Simon O’Rorke as session musicians to finish off The Marion Flow (the first half of which was recorded in New Plymouth in 1999). I wasn’t as well organized as I could have been and managed to piss the guys off.
In November 2002 I spent most of the days locked away in my bedroom on Lipman Street overlooking a carpark, with a four-track tape recorder, pair of headphones, guitars and bass guitar, and smoking copious amounts of weed to record Mantis Shaped and Worrying. The intense introspection required contributed to the collapse of my relationship with my girlfriend – and I don’t think she ever ‘got’ the album.
In October 2003, with Parataxes completed through group effort, I was in a dissolute state after my contract at DOC finished. I lived in a filthy flat in Mt Cook that resembled a run-down circus sideshow, with interiors painted in bright primary colours that had faded and become dingy. The lounge featured a big mural of Where the Wild Things Are taking up the whole four walls. In a weird correspondence, the Winter Show was in town just around the corner when I moved in and we went on some of the rides as a flat; the gas stove at the flat also meant popcorn became the snack food of choice for a while. My flatmate Mike, who also played in a band the Circus Machine, thought of the place as home; I found it kind of sinister. I dragged myself right to the psychological bottom at this time for reasons I still don’t understand, but also managed to record the last few tracks for Loose Autumn Moans – was it an extreme kind of ‘method acting’ so I could get the necessary duende into the songs?
And now I’ve been putting together a DVD which I’m calling Live 2004 (an oblique reference to Bob Dylan - his great Live 1966, Live 1975 and Live 1964 albums that have come out in the last few years). The music’s all in the can, it’s just a matter of assembling it into a cohesive package. It’s video footage, so a technological leap. It’s got the Ascension Band at Meatwaters, me solo at Bomb the Space, and, since Ascension Band is partly a collaboration between myself and Nigel Patterson, the Chandeliers at the Cross to balance it out. It’s coming together nicely, still a couple of technical hurdles but I’m getting there; I designed the cover artwork yesterday.
There’s also the album ddpp: Mood Music which was recorded in 1999 during The Marion Flow sessions – I managed to get an American label Digitalis interested in releasing it. It’s quieter and more electronic than most of my stuff – mainly Paul Winstanley’s project, I just play on it. The two new albums bookend my time in Wellington, this big chapter in my life.
Around the beginning of this year I’d almost given up on making music – The Winter were in hiatus, I was way out of practice on guitar, and Loose Autumn Moans seemed like the end of the road since it used up my stockpile of songs from the previous few years. But now even with these two new albums I can see dimly into the future and won’t be giving up for a while yet. There’s the Ascension Band – Electric Symphony show in the Fringe Festival which is going to make a great album (a double might even be appropriate), and then another solo album that I’m now getting a rough idea of. I also want to get my second book of short stories out of the way over summer. It’ll be more thematically unified than Anterior Pathways and darker in tone – I’m trying to find a way of ending it without being morose. And since Creative NZ lacked the vision, taste, intelligence and foresight to grant the funding I requested to make 500 factory-stamped CD copies of my ‘best of’ compilation, I’ll just have to fund it another way – seems like a good thing to do in Australia since Dual Plover there is supposedly the best CD-making service around for independent artists.
So anyway, the artistic side of my life is proceeding nicely at the moment. I'm still losing money on it, but money’s not what it’s about – running at a loss and continuing anyway must be some token of honesty. If only I had a patron! And it would be nice to have more of an audience but I’ll just have to earn one. I’ve got gigs lined up for December: Ascension Band at Newtown Community Centre on the 18th and also an acoustic performance at Photospace Gallery a couple of days before (date tbc).
The flipside of course is that to get all this done I’ve put jobhunting on the backburner and am stuck in the doledrums. I can’t complain about unemployment since I haven’t made that much of an effort to get out of it (fired off a couple of CVs, had one interview for a job I didn’t get) - yet. I’ve been reading a lot instead, something like a book every two days on average, and I just brought back another swag of them from the library (non-fiction mix of mythology, ecology and investigative journalism this time). And I’m listening to a lot of Cecil Taylor – great complex music that demands close attention to work.
I just hope that once the albums are finished and the gigs lined up I can get into a job with a minimum of hassle. Unemployment eats away at the soul, it would be dangerous to not work and besides I need funds to travel. There’s also the element of isolation that it brings. It’s my birthday next week – hope I don’t have to spend it alone…
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Well I did it, went and committed myself to organising a Fringe Festival show. It means staying around Wellington for the summer, so this is going to be my attempt at crowning off my time here.
The show's called Ascension Band - Electric Symphony. The dates are:
December 18th, Newtown Community Hall
February 25th, Happy
March 4th & 5th, Newtown Community Hall
I guess I was convinced by the jam we had on Monday night, where we hoisted the music to a new level above & beyond what we'd done at Meatwaters. So that DVD is going to be outdated by the time it arrives. But it's an album and therefore a freezeframe.
I'll put up more information as it comes to hand, maybe start a whole website for the band. Things are looking good.
On the other hand I can't run away too far from Wellington. I went and got a haircut today, now that I've got a timeframe to work around I can start on jobhunting in earnest. I'll spend the rest of today at the flat - the garden went to seed while I was away and the vege patches are in the pull-everything-out-&-start-again stage - most of the plants have bolted. The paths are closing up with long grass on either side and the lawn's become a prairie. We're on the cusp of summer, where not just the flowers but the weeds & insects burst forth. There are some strawberries ripening though, and we can expect sweet peas and tomatoes by January. It's a matter of trimming back some clutter to provide a psychological boost for getting out of the doledrums. Couldn't have a repeat of Overgrowth now...
The closest I’ve come to falling in love at first sight would have been in 2000 or 2001, it wasn’t exactly first sight since I met and talked to her twice but I’ve never been able to forget her. She was living a nomadic life travelling around the country and said her name was Tinkerbell. Ever since I’ve been wondering at odd times if I’ll see her again - though she could be anywhere in the world now, maybe married with five screaming kids.
I had the odd experience on Saturday night of going into town and seeing her again, kind of. There was a woman at Happy who looked at least a lot like her, and I just had to go and talk to her. She said her name was Kim, she’s lived in Wellington since 1999, same as me. She’s not into scuba diving (Tinkerbell was) and said she was too tired to answer my questions on astrology which followed from being asked my star sign (Sagittarius) - work stress seemingly. Whereas I’m at the point where the initial rush of horror at unemployment has given way to an enjoyment of its unwinding effects – I’m kind of on holiday, have to be careful not to let that slide over into complacency & indolence. I won’t escape the country without savings & won’t get savings without work. But in the meantime it’s good to be reading a lot (Douglas Adams’ The Salmon of Doubt, John Le Carré’s The Spy Who Came in From the Cold, Bob Dylan’s Chronicles, George Orwell’s The Road to Wigan Pier, dipping in & out of Thomas Pynchon’s Mason & Dixon, and John Pilger’s The New Rulers of the World to keep me anchored), playing guitar (my style’s slowing down in tempo and developing a blues tinge that wasn’t there before) and enjoying the weather.
But what if it was Tinkerbell that I met on Saturday? The name Tinkerbell ties in with the Peter Pan story, so what if the characters from NeverNeverLand grew up and got office jobs?
OK OK so there were drugs involved, me not having to get up in the morning. I shared a joint with a friend and she let me keep the end of it – but in the morning the roach had somehow turned into a cigarette butt. And the carriage turned into a pumpkin. I also went to the Cosmic Capitalist store on Cuba Street where Mike was working and forked out for one of those ‘legal high’ products. Can’t remember the name right now, it was a lab-designed synthetic compound. Like artificial food flavouring, they start with a psychotropic effect in mind and then custom-design the molecules to produce it. Except that artificial flavours never have the rich textures of real food spices. And I prefer listening to musical instruments rather than electronic sounds… It cost $40 and gave a bit of visual distortion in the classic psychedelic way, bringing forth subtext and turning people into cartoon characters – for about 15 minutes. I also tried acid a few years ago, got some spatial distortions from it but never any deep trips beyond the veil of Maya. The thing it is good for is watching a movie, it allows an amazing understanding & evaluation of the direction & camerawork. Maybe one day I’ll take peyote in Mexico but that’s a while off…
Anyway it was a fairly good night, I enjoyed the Scribes of Ra at Happy more than when I’d seen them before. And I’ve relaxed a bit – blaming Elisa for losing the plot on the journalism course because she said ‘I’ve wasted enough time with you’, unnecessary & harsh though it was, was an irrational false pretence: looking back on my attendance record over the whole year I simply skipped a few too many shorthand classes. Well, they were just so bloody boring. Anyway I have to take responsibility for my own (in)actions and all that matters now is whether or how to catch up.
I ended up at Indigo where a guy from Liverpool seemed upset about my writing shorthand in my notebook (one irony is that I actually can write shorthand quite happily now, though not especially fast, I just don’t have the bit of paper that says I can) – thought it looked Arabic which therefore equated me with Osama bin Laden. The times we live in – at least now we know the answer to what comes after postmodernism, the wheel comes around full circle and here we are back in the middle ages! Kill the Moors & Saracens…
And since I'm writing nonsequentially, the evening started with a gig by Richard Whyte & Rick Jensen at 91 Aro Street. This new venue was a great pleasant surprise coming back from Dunedin. I've known these guys for a while, great to see they've put themselves on the map and created a venue. There's a whole pile of good local music for sale there at low prices, including my stuff. Richard did his folk instrumental guitar and Rick played his home-made instruments and sax behind a screen. I'll do a gig there in December, maybe on my birthday (the 9th), when I can get a date organised.
At the moment I’m working on the two new albums (though one was recorded in 1999), and I should get my second volume of short stories finished over the next couple of months. My computer’s broken down though which is a nuisance. I’m on the computer at the university at the moment, hopefully my ID won’t expire just yet. There’s also an Ascension Band jam tonight – we had a Japanese vocalist last time who should be there again and there are rumours of a horn section turning up. This is great. Tomorrow I’ll have a shave & haircut and go out jobhunting. Today though I’m going to go for a swim and read a book in the sun.
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*title of this entry is a reference to the Fall song 'How I Wrote Elastic Man'
There must come a time in many bloggers' careers when they discover that their parents have been reading. One of my favourite netizens is an American who's spent much of the last year doing her brave but futile part to prevent George W Bush from being elected (for the first time) as president of the USA (for the second time). There was the amusingly awkward moment when her strongly pro-Republican mom turned out to have been reading. Likewise I just got the following email:
Hi David
Since we haven't heard from you since your call when you got back to Wgtn, we guess you are busying yourself around and about.
However, there is one thing you should know. Mum and I have watched you from a distance trying to get a foothold in the world and sort yourself out and anyone with half a blind eye can see that you are in desperate need of help NOW.
Mum has now shut your woes out of her mind - she doesn't want to think about it, hoping it will go away. Keeping your distance when she so desperately cares for you is having an undesirable effect on her and us. Whatever the position, you must have help now. Whatever your plans might have been, they will need to be put on hold for a short while. I want you to come home for a few days - or however long it takes to straighten up. We will get you to a doctor and then try to get some referral for the depression or whatever it is you need treatment for. If it is acute depression it's absolutely essential that you have treatment to kick the black dog in the guts as soon as possible. I've been there and I know what the effect is. If you leave it, you'll end up being in a real mess. That being so I'm not going to sit on the sideline and watch you waste yourself away and give others pain as they see it happen.
Your family loves you desperately, but feel helpless
Love Dad
I presume this comes about as a result of reading Schrodinger's Cat? Well, I did write in my last entry that 'I need help', so I can't complain.
This weblog must be one of the more depressing corners of the net. I occasionally get people praising me for its 'openness' and 'honesty' - what about more people telling me to get a life, or that it's self-indulgent drivel? Much like me the weblog has major shortcomings and an introspective nature. There's a small amount of reflection on the issues of the day, politics, the arts etc but mostly it's a diary. I don't write here to entertain or inform so much as just for the sake of not keeping secrets. What I really want to do is sell albums, as the albums are where my deepest creative energy goes, but I've only made one sale so far as a direct result of this weblog. Just check out the website and email me if you're interested.
But as for this letter from Dad, I guess I can't refuse a summons. I love my parents, I find the tv and radio niggle me a bit when I visit them but the only thing I really dislike is when conversation turns to my 'career'. This invariably becomes a long drawn out and demoralising rigmarole. I'm from a middle class family - my cousins mostly have steady jobs (apart from one who's intellectually handicapped but he’s excused), cars, mortgages, partners, children even, have worked overseas etc. I've got five albums, two more on the way, and a half-sized book, but those don't seem to count. The sales have been negligible after all.
My parents’ advice hasn’t always been helpful – sending me to a boys’ school was a bad move, my education & training in the media has led me mainly to the conclusion that I despise the media industry, and they seemed convinced for a while that I should become an insurance assessor (follow my father’s footsteps) or a policy analyst. But I've been pretty lucky with my parents overall, they're good people who gave me a stable upbringing - no abuse, poverty, alcoholism or any of the other terrible things many people have to cope with. My dad even got his divorce out of the way before I was born, and had his 'second chance' with my mother. The thing that does seem strange in retrospect is that I was raised an only child in New Plymouth, away from my extended family, and then my parents moved away leaving me with no connection to my old hometown (which has had a facelift since Hollywood passed through last year and doesn't look like I remember any more). So that might partly explain my psychology.
There seems to be a tendency for people to define themselves by their oppressors - the patriarchy, the colonists, the capitalists, the intolerant straights etc. I tend to define myself against the popular crowd. I picked that up at school, but have kept on with it maybe beyond the point where it’s useful. A lot of my frustration with the film industry and with my ex-girlfriend (who worked in it for a time and was changed by it) come from this. I don’t want to be cool if it means selling out. I’d rather be an individualist, and represent the underdog. I’m even named after a character in the Bible – a shepherd boy who kills a giant.
So the result of all this rather facile and adolescent sounding idealism is that I end up lonely and frustrated sometimes (not all the time). And too much introspection is stifling my creative ability. So I wouldn’t deny I ‘have issues’ as they say, but I wouldn’t want to exaggerate them either. As far as seeing a doctor goes I’d be happy to talk to a counselor but I’d be deeply reluctant to take anti-depressant drugs. A doctor could be useful if they could get me an extension or resit for shorthand and/or some of my other coursework (I handed in some work that I feel was sub-par). I know I fucked up on the journalism course, I was going fine until September then I fell off the rails. Can I get off by pleading insanity?
Hi Dad, see you on Monday. Love, David
This isn’t right, the way I’m feeling. I need help. I’m apparently still unstable, going from feeling fine one minute to completely down the next. This evening I was at a gig at Valve, felt alright until one of the bands started playing some pretty straight-ahead rock that I didn’t enjoy. I found myself sitting outside for nearly an hour, chin resting on my hand and being uncommunicative. Elisa walked past at one point – gave me a rush of sour adrenalin – but didn’t notice me. Probably just as well or there could have been an(other) ugly confrontation.
I’d spent the day doing some casual gardening work, pulling out weeds mainly. Useful exercise + income, and good to be outdoors. Next week I have to go sign up for the dole, which is one of the world’s more degrading experiences. I probably should get some kind of ‘career related’ job soon though, one with a bit of social contact. Today I just had two yapping dogs for company.
At the moment I’m working on two albums that I want to get finished before the end of the year, maybe in time for my 26th birthday on December 9th if they go smoothly. It’s good to not be tied down by too many responsibilities right now – no assignments due thankfully (besides the dozen or so self-imposed tasks on my ‘to do’ list on the wall). I got two albums done last year, and an album and a booklet of short stories in 2002 during periods of unemployment – so it’s not like I sit around and watch tv when I don’t have a job. Maybe I need a month of unemployment each year so I can get my real work done. This is also the third year in a row that time’s come in Spring.
I’ll feel better if/when I can get a gig lined up. It gives me something to focus on, and playing gigs is one of the most fun activities I can think of (that and making love). At the moment I don’t have one to look forward to so feel a bit useless. I think part of the reason I spun out on the course was that I was too busy for any more gigs after Meatwaters (Ascension Band played on September 10th). I’d been putting all my heart into that performance, and when it was over life seemed a bit empty. I had nothing to look forward to but shorthand tests and assignments, and I shaved and got my hair cut to remind myself I had to ‘go straight’ for a few weeks. Except of course that just made me feel down and I couldn’t summon the energy required to get shorthand up to speed. Then failing it shattered my confidence and I had a mild breakdown, complete with hair loss (hasn’t stopped yet sadly). The trip to Otago was valuable time out, but now I’m back in Wellington and not quite sure I want to be here.
The main reason for me to stay in Wellington would be the chance to play more with Ascension Band, but several people are going away for the summer so it may not be viable. I’ll find out. And Fringe Festival applications are due soon - do I want to commit to doing one? It would limit my options for moving around.
So I’ve got plenty to keep busy with, and there’s really nothing for me to be unhappy about. But I want to sleep too much, I have no sex drive, and my moods are unstable - classic signs of depression. Better be careful, and find some positive steps to take. I could start by tidying my room – it’s a filthy mess right now.
First impression on arrival back in Wellington: I don’t want to be here. Even the flight back was a nuisance as I had to leave my jobhunting in Dunedin unfinished, I’d been getting friendly with a lövely oirish gairl who I met at the backpackers’, and I’d got an offer of a place to stay the night in Milford Sound if I wanted to go there. But of course the money was running out, I’m on the last week of student allowance and am now into the purgatory of unemployment. I’d fear for my sanity if it becomes long-term, but I’m going to put some effort into getting work pronto even if it’s dishwashing or manual labouring to start. Some outdoor work would be good.
At least the plane flight was beautiful, looking down on the South Island mountains. Air travel’s still enough of a novelty for me to enjoy it. Looking down on the South Island landscape helped me match up the image on a map with what I’ve seen on the ground. I’ve seen most of the country now except for the far east of the North Island, so I’ve got a good mental image of Aotearoa’s layout.
Landing in Wellington the big model of Gollum at the airport reminds visitors that you're entering Peter Jackson's kingdom. There were a couple of young Weta employees talking on the bus to town – “…and I had my head down between his legs, tears streaming down my face, and Richard [Taylor] walked in…” I also noticed how much native bush there is around here, Wellington's a pretty green city. Dunedin's also a forest city but more European trees. Then I got back to the flat - and the food here's so great! I made myself a pizza using a pita bread as the base, so that put me in a good mood. Olives, mushrooms, capsicum, fresh oregano… whereas meat pie & a custard square for lunch (about all there is in Mosgiel) just doesn’t do it for me even if it is my Dad’s favourite food.
It looks like the arguments in favour of moving away for a while outweigh those in favour of staying. I need to go somewhere that can support an alternative music scene (we're far enough from the 90s, pop culture having swung back towards awfulness, for 'alternative' to be a viable word again). Auckland is Auckland and I don't have any friends in Christchurch or any attraction to the place so Dunedin looks like the main option.
In favour of going: change of scenery, more opportunity for outdoor recreation, cheaper rents, calmer pace, fairly decent music scene (with fewer technically advanced players so might be easier for me to make a mark), no ex-girlfriend around.
Against going: Ascension Band, good flat here, hassle of moving, better falafel kebabs.
I went out for the inevitable Tuesday night congregation at Indigo, caught up with a couple of people. Mike was there (friend/musical collaborator) but is leaving in a fortnight, and some other friends are leaving for the summer too. I had a puff on a joint, first one in two months, but couldn’t seem to get it going properly and didn’t notice any effect. I’d been thinking of getting some pot when I came back and doing some solid writing with it but that might not be any help. Having burned myself out early last year partly from smoking too much weed I’m aware of the negative side-effects, and I have to be able to write without a crutch. And there’s the whole internalized tension thing it’s brought out since that burnout – a soreness in my left forearm/wrist seems to be the warning sign. And I wouldn’t know where to buy pot anyway – deliberate ignorance in not having a dealer is a defence mechanism to prevent me from overdoing it.
There was also an encounter with Elisa, which is just a hazard of being in Wellington and one of the main reasons to leave. I’m sick of the whole thing - it’s no longer a breakup issue, she’s long gone now, but just petty & bitter fallout from afterwards. Sometimes we seem to be reconciled but then she’ll lash out at me and/or I’ll do something stupid and the whole thing spirals back down again. In terms of social manoeuvring ability I’m hopelessly outgunned. My theory is that she resents me for having been let in close to see the ‘real her’ underneath all the social masks, but there’s also bound to be an element of me being a sore loser over getting dumped. I envy her for having all the things I can’t have – money, popularity, influence, charisma, as much sex as she wants. No point wishing to trade places though, the one thing I have that no one else can have is being me. I have on occasion the power of original thought and could potentially create something of lasting value if I can just get through all my mental barriers and social ineptitude. Getting out of town might not be such a bad way of making a new start. And I've been in Wellington nearly six years which is more than long enough, too much history gets constricting.
I’m here for a little while yet though, maybe til the end of the year, so have to make the most of it...
It’s a new period in history, both for the macrocosm (the world) and the microcosm (myself), and a shaky kind of start. This blog’s over a year old now – I feel like I’ve made good progress in some areas but maybe lost ground in others, and mostly just gone sideways. Out of the frying pan into the fire.
Sadly, George W becoming president wasn’t just a fluke. First time sure, but this time the power of the right was seriously misunderestimated. So increasing corporate imperialism, media dumbing-down, rob-the-poor-to-give-to-the-rich economics, theocracy, homophobia, environmental destruction, war crimes and dubya’s unbearable smirk are going to loom over the world for a while – turns out it was hopelessly naïve to think those things would be voted out because they’re illogical. After all that’s come out over the past couple of years it seemed impossible that anyone at all would vote for Bush - I guess the lessons from Nazi Germany still haven’t been learned, emotion still wins over reason. As for myself I aim to go travelling, so international issues will be the backdrop for a while.
An American president seems to have enough influence to be a mirror of world culture at their time, maybe they’re paradigm-setters. Unlike Mr shades-of-grey / Bush-lite / lesser-of-two-evils Kerry, Bush has got what he wants in making things clear-cut and black & white. You’re for or against him – the consolation is that hopefully there’ll be good companionship and positive progress rather than despair & division among those against.
It’ll make a change for me from a context of spending the last 5 ½ years in Wellington watching local trends such as the sword-of-Damocles bypass, the rise of local avant-garde music, and the film industry blowing up in my face. The LOTR hype started way back in 1998 and then after shooting finished the films were released over three years – so the films actually define a distinct era in NZ history. They go beyond mere entertainment into having major influence on national culture, politics, economics and international profile, and have also been a backdrop to my own life. I read the books a dozen or so times as a kid, then they shot the films while I was a student. Then the 'Fellowship' release coincided with my finishing university and having a great new girlfriend - a time of discovery. 'Two Towers' was about disillusionment as Elisa was working in film and our relationship was in decline - while the movie didn't seem so exciting. Then 'Return of the King' was just an inevitable closure - and by then Elisa was gone and I'd turned my back on the film scene. ‘King Kong' just seems irrelevant, and I sense that by this point there are even hints of a backlash brewing…
One day to go in Mosgiel. It’s been good to get out of Wellington; I was having a minor course-induced breakdown and needed to come somewhere quiet to get over it. I wouldn’t want to stay any longer – it’s hard to get a decent vegetarian meal in smalltown NZ so my meat intake’s shot up, I’m not getting much exercise, and there’s not a lot to do in my spare time besides read (Henry Miller’s Black Spring currently) and write (mostly emails, not a lot of creative writing progress). I even spent an evening watching tv which I haven’t done for ages (US elections + The Simpsons). The highlights of the trip have all been in Dunedin (where I had asked to be sent) – playing at Arc Café, jamming with Clayton Noone, seeing James Robinson’s paintings up close.
I don’t exactly feel like I’ve gained much from Mosgiel, but it was a breathing space and I’m calmer in that I realised I had to stop attacking myself. In some oblique background sense the US elections might even have helped - we're entering a dangerous period in history and I'm more use to the world staying positive & creative & doing what I can to help than if I crawl into a hole and let myself wither away. I’ve identified two opposing forces within myself: a drive to create and live ethically and help others; and a self-destructive urge to just crawl into a dark corner and wither away.
I got a lot of good work done in the last year, made a couple of valuable new friends, raised my profile slightly both on the net and in person, and broke some new musical ground (though not as much as last year but I’ve had less time). On the other hand there was the way I snatched defeat from the jaws of victory in the final weeks of the journalism course, I had a falling out with DoC who I thought had saved my life last year, and the healing & peacemaking process with my ex-girlfriend has regressed back to us trading childish insults. And having been a student for most of the year even my finances have taken a large step backwards. Also, while I’m not quite as shy as I was the tradeoff is that I’m getting older & crustier – the lines on my face are getting pretty obvious and my hair’s been thinning rapidly over the last couple of months. Premature ageing seems to be a consequence of worrying too much, but I’ve got a long way to go yet (& yesterday I interviewed a 72 year-old who’d recently done an 1818km cycling trip from Switzerland to Denmark – could do worse for a role model).
Taking everything into account though, am I better off than I was four years ago? On balance, yes.
New chapter – the first big obstacle to get over is unemployment, as of Saturday. Here lies danger – unemployment can be financially, emotionally and psychologically devastating. Must get job ASAP. And get more exercise. And do more guitar practice. And more writing. But those are reasonable expectations – I can manage…