January 15, 2005

Depression Impression

It's strange to be depressed and know it. There's a little glass globe somewhere in my chest that contains myself apart from my treacherous mind, and that smooth cool ball tells me I'm depressed and my emotional perceptions are likely not to be trusted. I just have to clench my fists and ride this through.

It is almost like grieving, in an odd way. Most of the time, things are fine, and then out of the blue a picture or a word will associate in the mind and devastation descends like a oiled blanket.

It is summer and the weather is briefly glorious. Butterflies hitch determindly through sweet scented air. Somewhere a tui sounds.

Why does that make me want to cry? Silly depression. Here, have some drugs.

Posted by phreq at January 15, 2005 06:51 AM | TrackBack

Call if you need to :) You know that!

HUGS again!

Posted by: sok at January 15, 2005 09:53 AM

There's this responding big ball of "wanting to say exactly the right thing to make it alright" in me right now, but the right words don't exist!

Try to eat... drink plenty of fluids, cos dehydration makes EVERYTHING feel worse... and do take care of yourself!!!!

Sometimes I found bringing in flowers from the garden and focussing really hard on looking at them and drawing them helpful... it doesn't matter if the drawing is good or not, the point is trying to get that tight external focus... or movies, books or vids that let me cry when I am too bound up inside to cry for myself sometimes work. Or really long walks sometimes carried me through it and out the other side. These are just things that have worked for me, but I've been lucky enough never to be really badly depressed. I wish you well.

Posted by: Karen at January 17, 2005 08:03 AM

thanks you :) I appreciate it. I think I am finally after many years learning to seperate off the depression as distinct from my self, so that is a step in the right direction. Ironically it makes it much more painful in the interim.

But you know, at least it's summer, and things are (objectively) not too bad at the moment. Just need to keep focused.

Posted by: phreq at January 17, 2005 05:45 PM


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