plasticwrap

Reality Check

The appointment yesterday was good but rather sobering. It was quite a comprehensive assessment, but what really got to me was the summing up by the psychologist. She said to me that they use a form of therapy called CBT-E, which I've had a little experience with in the past. Of the people that do it, 70% get better, 20% improve, and 10% don't change. Of the 10% of people that don't change. 90% of them have one or more of the following risk factors:

• The eating disorder has been entrenched for longer than 10 years
• They use/abuse alcohol or drugs
• They have major depression
• They have been in long-term therapy previously without effect
• Physical, emotional or sexual abuse history
• Underlying major psychological illness (e.g. bipolar) or mental disability

Each of the factors they have decreases their chances of recovery. If you have 4 or more factors, your overall chances of living for 2 years after seeing the eating disorders team and completing CBT-E is around 1-2%.

And that's even if you're like me and not particularly underweight. It's just that the combination of the time you've had the illness and then the other factors on top mean that the physical toll builds up until your body just kind of crumbles. Also of course that factors in non-eating-disorder things like suicide and overdose and accident and homicide, all the usual suspects.

But still. Very sobering really. I don't think it's quite sunk in. I have a unjustified and realitively unshakeable core belief that I'm an exception to statistics. Which I suppose everyone does, or no-one would buy lotto tickets or ride a motor-bike or smoke tobacco. But it is very focusing to have a doctor say to you that statistically there is a 98% chance you will die in the next 2 years.

Nope. Not going to think about that for now. Lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala. I will survive this though. I always do. Statistically speaking, I should have died 20 times over by now. And the solution to this really does lie with me. It's just a case of finding the strength to do it. And frankly, it was a motivating interview.

I have my first appointment with my new therapist today, too. Should be good. I went out and bought a whole lot of canvas and paint the other day (my god! yesterday! man it's been a long 24 hours) which cost rather more than I should have spent but I'll go out of my tree completely if I don't have something to do and painting is just it at the moment. Anyway as so often happens I've wound up with 5 or 6 concepts all at once so it might be a bit of a working bee over the next few days, which will be an excellent and distracting thing!

Posted by phreq at July 30, 2004 10:39 AM | TrackBack