July 27, 2004

Baby love

As a first time mum, with no nearby friends who had babies, I read every baby book I saw, and sought them out. I knew all about cradle cap, sleep training, let down, post-natal depression. I could inform you or anyone else about how much time the average child spent sleeping, when they should begin solids and what those solids should be. When it came to the debate about disposable vs cloth nappies I could list the pros and Cs, though I couldn't actually say what was best.

When c was admitted to hospital (as an acute admission) I didn't feel anything. I was a bit overstressed at the time, as R had left for East Timor a week beforehand, I'd had an emergency ceaserian and Cn was only 7 weeks old. He was attached to the wall getting oxygen for a week, and needed nasal gastric feeding as he was no longer strong enough to breastfeed. Over the week I found out that I loved him, and by the time we went home I was 'bonded'.

This time I know a hell of a lot less, but trust myself and the baby a hell of a lot more.

I can't say I fell in love with h the first time I saw him. The surgeon pulled him out and held him over my face, and all I could see were these eNORmous testicles. But when he came back from the paediatrician's table and was laid on my chest, I started crying. He looked so much like my grandad, and I loved him. Both him's.

And I've loved h a lot in the two months he has been with us. He gets so many hugs, that boy. And kisses. And smiles. I know he is a pretty standard sort of baby, but I don't feel that way. I feel he is perfect. Perfectly wonderful. I look at him and smile without trying, he makes me feel too happy not to smile.

Posted by Toni at July 27, 2004 03:06 PM

That is so cool :) More than anything else you can give to your kids, the knowledge that they are loved completely and are precious to you beyond logic is the best. Once they know they are loved, then they are free of lonliness, the biggest worry and pain that humans experience. And once that worry is off their list, they are so much stronger and more able to live. So yay for you :) And your babies :)

Posted by: phreq at July 28, 2004 09:53 AM