When people break their promises to me I can be very unforgiving. When they break too many, which can be as few as two if I am stressed or if they are big important promises, that often is the end of the relationship.
Family is harder. Even if they let you down again and again, they remain your family. Even when my brother didn't speak to me for years at a time, he was still my brother. I had no idea where he was living and only the sketchiest idea of what he was doing, but we were siblings still.
At said brother's wedding, I found out that even when he was not talking to me, he was talking about me. And it sounds as though he was proud of what I was doing! Knock me over with a feather, cos I always was under the impression he thought I was a complete prat. I'm still adjusting to the idea he does not hate me, and it will take a while! I thought he hated me for about 15 years... so the adjustment will not be quick. I'm not planning to spend 15 years getting over it though. Time is too precious for that. It is a pleasant and pleasing adjustment to make. I have another person in this world that thinks I'm okay.
If it wasn't for the fact we are related, we wouldn't be approaching this new place of relating to each other. We would have walked away, and never seen each other again, and would have forgotten each other except as something that didn't work out. It is not going to be all smooth sailing in the future. We still don't have many hobbies or interests in common, so Cversation is not so simple. We have a lot of history, now we need to get involved in each other's present. And future.
Funnily enough, I am under the impression that his wife does not like me. Perhaps given enough time, I will find out that isn't true either! Doesn't matter to me, as I'm not going to let that kind of gap develop betwen me and my brother again.
Posted by Toni at July 28, 2004 02:24 PMI shared a room with my brother for eighteen years, and the only times we spoke to each other were to yell obscenities. Now, many years later, that we've built our lives away from each other and speak only 2 or 3 times a year, we've found our conversations to be more interesting and each other's company more entertaining. I believe it's also correlated with the fact that as we grow older, we start to realize that our family members are the only ones who will always be there, whether they choose to or not.
Don't give up on family, even when you think they've given up on you.
BTW, I happened upon your blog by chance, but I've enjoyed it immensely!
Posted by: Mick at July 29, 2004 05:29 AM