My psycho-therapist is really nice, but very different from the therapist I had in Wellington. She keeps on coming out with alarming statements like “food often symbolises misplaced sexual energy.” Huh? When people say things like that I switch off a bit. It just sounds like… psycho-babble. When I had a stomach ache, she thought it was probably emotional rather than physical. I didn’t care, it still hurt. She also seems determined to find some childhood trauma that is the root of all my issues. In the absence of abuse (I had a wonderful supportive family and a happy childhood) she has latched onto my grandmother’s death when I was three. That must be my trauma. She could have a point though. I do feel absences, deaths and departures very acutely. I’m terrified of people leaving. I just don’t see how mulling over this is going to help me get on with my life. Am I too skeptical?
Did I mention the very cute kitten who lives in our ward, and who I am quite allergic to? His name is Tigger, and last night I left my door ajar by mistake. When I came back my Possum (puppet made out of real possum fur) had been dragged across the room and was being savaged by the kitten.
And then there is the food. Some of it is not too bad. The main dishes are usually decent. But the vegetables... almost every night we have potatoes, soft carrots and mushy peas. Sometimes broccoli, boiled beyond recognition. Oh how I miss stir-fries! Crunchy snow-peas! Spring greens!
I supposed nobody ever died of over-cooked veggies.
I feel losses very deeply as well, and sometimes it is hard to accept these and move on. After a difficult time in my life, I have been able to forget my past, and my life has taken on a new and exciting focus. Sharing like you are doing with your blog has been therapeutic for me as well.
You are so honest, brave, and courageous, and I admire the way you are confronting things, I know this will help you move on.
Good on you for not looking for past unhappiness, abuse, or trauma as the reason or solution for your struggles, looking to blame something or someone can be very debilitating believe me.
Your family sounds very loving, and supportive and having the loyalty and love of your family is a major step to healing.
Take care during your stay and feel free to email me anytime.
"Love the moment. Flowers grow out of dark moments. Therefore, each moment is vital. It affects the whole. Life is a succession of such moments and to live each, is to succeed".
Corita Kent.
You know where to contact me if you need to, right, babe?
Posted by: the weird chick with the synths at February 11, 2006 01:07 PMWait until they *boil* yams and serve swede for dinner. I kid you not. Boiled swede. The decent meal of the week is Sunday lunch...
Posted by: phreq at February 14, 2006 04:29 AMI have to say, I don't like the sound of your psychotherapist's theories. I hope she is wise and can help you anyway. Even the psychiatrist who I had quite intense and healing therapy with a few years ago who failed to diagnose my trans status and thought most of my problems could be solved by getting a job, still helped me to work through a lot of issues successfully. I only just found out you're not in Wellington from the St Andrews e-news. I guess I should read your blog more often!! :) You can ask me for support or help anytime without feeling guilty - it costs me nothing and gives me everything.
Posted by: Ryan at February 25, 2006 04:02 PM