beautiful monsters

Early impressions

On first impressions, this place is nice and scary at the same time. The staff all seem intelligent, respectful and helpful. The other patients seem friendly and nice. The grounds are indeed lovely, with lots of old trees, and a sort of temple to the four winds down by the creek.

Because I’m new here I’m on “Admission Obs” which means that a nurse checks on me every hour, including at night, and I’m not allowed to leave the premises. It’s driving me a bit nutty.

I can walk around the grounds though, if I find someone to come with me, and get permission from a nurse. The first night I was here I went with a couple of the girls who had made fishing nets out of forked sticks. I caught a koura (fresh-water-crayfish) in one of the pools along the creek. He was only little so we named him Shrimp, then we let him go.

This is very different from any other psychiatric hospital I’ve been to. For a start, until you get to know everyone it’s very hard to tell which people are staff and which are patients. Two (or is it three?) times a week the whole community, patients and staff, meet in the hall. We sit in a big circle and talk about any issues that need to be discussed; patients have a lot of input into the running of the community. But people also talk about personal matters, which freaks me out. In front of the whole group, they’ll say to someone “I’ve seen you doing this lately, is that healthy?” It takes a lot of getting used to (I think it’ll take me months). People talk like this all the time, in smaller groups as well. Sometimes they’ll ask how someone is, and that person says “fine”, and someone else says “are you sure?” I’m sure it’s meant in a caring way, but to me it still seems to accusing and confrontational.

My psychiatrist is young and quite spunky. I’ve only met my therapist once so far, so we’ll see. I’ve met with the dietician once too. But most of the e contact is with the nursing staff. The nurse I like most fell of her horse and won’t be back at work for a few weeks – damn.

I’m finding the amount of unstructured time difficult. And the library here is uninspiring. I’m sitting next to the non-fiction section, where I can see Prince Phillip: A Biography, Sporting Records of New Zealand and The Family Knitting Book. The fiction section isn’t much better, with various Reader’s Digest Condensed Books, and a stack of romances.

Yesterday I had a very quiet day, choosing to remain blissfully unaware of any protests that may have been taking place around the country. I did a jigsaw puzzle, went to visit the ponies that live here, and spent a quiet moment remembering Saskia’s birthday five years ago.

Honestly, I’m feeling a bit miserable about everything right now, and contemplating all the other ways I could be spending all this money. But lots of people have told me it’s worth sticking with it, so I’m going to try.

xxx
Fi

Posted by Fionnaigh at February 7, 2006 12:24 PM | TrackBack