I went to see Deb yesterday and we spent about 4 hours just talking about things. We are both in similar places at the moment; concerned over money, struggling to eat properly, struggling to function socially and just plain struggling generally. It's kind of good to know someone who is going through such similar stuff.
Food is preposterously difficult. It costs so much to eat properly, and add that to the fear etc and it's just an ugly situation. And it's not like a diet which I can say "I'll do this for 6 weeks and then stop". It's a road to nowhere, which makes it a treadmill.
A friend of mine from Ashburn killed herself on Friday. Poor kid, she was only 22. It makes me so angry that this happened. Over and over again I'm losing good friends, because they have been raped and abused by their families to the point of being spiritually broken beyond repair. And it frightens me too, because as Deb and I were saying today, there but for the grace of whatever goes us. Her story, my story, Deb's story, it could all be scenes from the same black film.
I hope wherever you are mate, that you find some peace now, because you've been in pain and torment for far too many years. It wasn't even a selfish act, because you didn't love yourself enough to be selfish. It was just the final, brutal, terrible step in a brutalised, terrible life. Be peaceful. I hope there are horses in your heaven.
Posted by phreq at May 16, 2005 07:15 AM | TrackBackOk, I've tried writing something nice about 10 times and they all sound really corny. So - that's a lovely thing to say to your departed friend. Made me quite sad. I hope you are ok & let us know if you are not and there's anything we can do. Sending you big hugs!
Posted by: Emba at May 16, 2005 11:20 AMThank you hon. It helps to know you're thinking of me *hugs*
Posted by: phreq at May 18, 2005 12:09 PM