March 18, 2005

Falsifying For Your Peace Of Mind

Government employees assigned to predict how water would flow through a proposed nuclear waste repository in Nevada, a crucial part of estimating how fast the radioactive material would leak, may have falsified some of their work, the Energy Department said on Wednesday.

The rate at which the waste packages decay depends on the flow of water around them, Dr. Garrick said, so "that's kind of where the analysis starts" and "that's a very important part of the whole modeling process." - nytimes.com

I'm glad I don't live in Glowing Nevada.

I'm kinda down at the moment. I'm sick of EDS and the mental health system in general... well, I'm more sick of going round and round being told that "It's all up to me" which is no help at all! Long-term, yeah, psychotherapy is the way thru this, but in the short term, things are crumbling way too fast.

At the four appointments I had yesterday - anxiety disorders, case manager, EDS doctor, EDS psychologist - everyone seemed to spend ages telling me about how well I (supposedly) had been doing, which felt rather dismissive of how I feel I'm doing now. If the 'progress' I made in the program is so demanding and fake to keep up, I don't see how it's remotely tenable to maintain it long-term, or even medium-term.

Then again, these guys are the experts, so if their opinion is that I'm well enough to carry on blindly for however long, who am I to contradict them? It's just a depressing and frustrating way to live, cos I don't see things getting any better despite however much effort I put in.

And then I get grumpy and decide that I'm going to petulantly fold my arms until life becomes fair and the skies rain bed-socks and plum jam.

Posted by phreq at March 18, 2005 08:24 AM | TrackBack
Comments

So I guess you're staying out of the hospital for a while then? I hope so. I want you to get well enough so that you will move to wellington so that we can see you more often. Is sok planning on going an visiting you? I'm thinking of heading south, but not until June or July (I forget when exactly the holidays are).

How are you feeling about your great-aunt. I guess if you never met her, it isn't too bad? Did your parents go down for the funeral?

How is your "possibly triuphant" painting going? Well, I hope. Don't forget that you told me that Deb's got more puppies and that you would post pictures of them!

Try to get better! (I know you already are, but I thought it might be encouraging if I said it)

Posted by: giffy at March 21, 2005 01:55 PM

Yep, staying out of hospital until/unless they force me. I don't like hospitals...

Trying to eat. Doing my best. It's hard tho.

Don't have any emotional reaction to her death at all. The strange thing is, you know how I desperately needed money from mum and dad, and they gave me $300 but only as an advance that I have to pay back at $20/wk? Yet, they offer to pay for my air tickets to Dundas and back to go to a funeral of someone I don't even know? It's just bizarre.

I'm also a little hurt that they will spend money on flying down mum and sis to the funeral, but they didn't bother coming to see me when I was in hospital.

The painting is still in an undetermined state, but I will get pics of the pups for sure!

Posted by: phreq at March 21, 2005 02:06 PM
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