I've never really sat down and written down my own personal religion. But now I'm going to. First Draft Of The Book of Jen. Feel free to comment, vitriolic or not.
I believe in God, the all-powerful being (at least from the perspective of a being in our universe. God may not be all-powerful outside of our universe).
I think God created the conditions for our universe. God wrote the program and then set it running, a bit like a train-set. So the Big Bang was "Go!". That'd have been pretty satisfying.
But God is creative. Rocks and physics and orbits and comets are really cool to watch, but after a few billion years, the satisfaction kind of wore off. The fire of the creation was cooling. So God searched through creation and found various planets and places that were interesting. Then God created an exception to the rules in those places and made life.
"Life" to me is about a creature that can respond in some way. I think that's why God made life. God wants little friends. The friends got more and more complex and interesting as evolution went along and it must be like having a giant terrarium. The urge to tinker and bend the rules is overpowering. Every now and again God sees an weary honey-bee and supplies a spoon of sugar, or that 1-in-a-million-chance comes around 9 times out of 10 for some cat.
It seems to me that God is a lover of passion and interest and enjoys meddling in the natural order of things - tipping the balance towards life, playing with the odds. God made the rules, so God can change them. I think God is interested in creatures that are interesting. Does that sound dumb? Probably. But I do think that the people who have interesting and/or lucky lives are also people who life lives of passion. Usually, I notice, in a group of animals that are all seemingly the same (newborn pups, for example) there is one that I bond with. I think "yeah, if there was a [insert catastrophe] that's the one I'd save". I think God does the same.
My God has a sense of humour. And a keen sense of irony. And a gentleness and compassion, but also utter power. And with utter power comes a certain ruthlessness. Not a malevolent way, but a way in that you do not shed any tears over the ant you had to poison to clean the bench.
So the best way to suck up to my God is to be interesting, and passionate, and loving, and pray - as long as you're directing it in God's direction, it counts. Joy is prayer. Sex is prayer. Chatting to God about the news is prayer.
I don't know about life after death. I can't do anything about it, anyway. And really, religions are for life, or they should be. Religions should teach you how to be happy now. I'm sure if there is a life after death, there'll be plenty of time to learn about that life then. This life is interesting and complicated enough, don't you think?