I went to see various doctors this morning and basically got told to eat more 'calorie-dense' foods, such as chocolate buscuits, chocolate milk, and deep-fried Mars bars.
While it strikes me that for some this would be the joyous equivilent of a doctor instructing you to smoke more to help your asthma, it's all a bit tricky for me, because I genuinely do not like sticky-sweet-milk sort of things. Neither do I like anything that falls in the "congealed" group. Salty things are ok as long as they are not slimy. The only kind of potato chips I can eat without gagging are Pringles because you can't taste the fat on the back of your tongue like the others...
I'm thinking that M&Ms (the sugar shell cuts the chocolate suffocation feeling) and Cola lollipops are likely to be major components of the calorie-dense pursuit.
It just reminds me so much of the Simpson's episode where Homer deliberately gains weight to get on worker's comp.
Dr. Nick You'll want to focus on the neglected food groups, such as the whipped group, the congealed group, and the choc-o-tastic.
Homer What can I do to speed the whole thing up, doctor?
Dr. Nick Well, be creative. Instead of making sandwiches using bread, use Pop-Tarts. Instead of chewing gum, chew bacon.
Bart You could brush your teeth with milkshakes!
Dr. Nick Hey, did you go to Hollywood Upstairs Medical College, too? And remember, if you're not sure about something, rub it against a piece of paper. If the paper turns clear, it's your window to weight gain.
Yes! Eat the M&Ms! EAT THEM! You also like dark chocolate too don't you? Or is that not so good?
Posted by: giffy at February 9, 2005 04:18 PMYeah, M&Ms rock :). Also dark choc does tend to not be as sickly - how about chocolate with a flavour to it, like chocolate orange? Mmmm, Terry's dark chocolate orange... Do you eat nuts? Cos nutty chocolate can be pretty good too, cuts down some of the sweetness. Macadamia, hazelnuts or almonds do pretty well with choc.
How do cookies rate?
Posted by: Rachel at February 9, 2005 09:43 PMDark chocolate is better than milk, but even then it's not good except in teency pieces that don't build up that icky coating on my tongue.
Nuts kind of have the whole oily-build-up thing going on too. They're ok in very small doses.
Cookies are the same. I think that the problem is that 'calorie-dense' usually means that the product is highly processed and flavoured, and the mix of texture, oil and uniformly intense flat flavours are just too invasive for me. I feel like I'm suffocating and can't breath properly.
I'm good with plain rice, simple bread, pastas without cream-based sauces, vegetables and fruit. Very lean meat is ok but not mince and not with sauces and not large pieces.
I guess I could always swallow the M&Ms like pills, they're about the right size and shape, and that way I wouldn't get chocolate in my mouth.
Do you know the deeply ironic thing about all of this? I AM A VERY, VERY, VERY GOOD COOK.
For other people.
I mean, hell, I can make individual souffle and inject brandy just at the right moment before serving so they don't fall (kind of akin to making a baked alaska where the meringue actually gets crispy)!
Would anyone like to employ a fanatical cook who is guaranteed not to steal from the pantry?
Thanks
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