It's been 12 days since dave and I broke up. I feel awful, he feels worse. I think I'm still in shock, a little bit.
I have decided to leave wellington and go to christchurch for a while to let things settle a bit and try to work things out a bit. I can't see the point in prolonging the agony by staying in town any longer than I have, so will put in notice on the flat today and look at getting things organised to go very shortly.
I can't believe how much my life has changed in the last couple of weeks. I'm scared but I think I have made the healthy decision, it's just that it hurts so damn much. I really care about him and to devastate him like this feels terrible. That's why I think I should get out asap, the proximity is making things more intense I think. Or maybe I am just selfish and guilty and want to be on the move to spare myself having to look at my behaviour.
I haven't written in so long so I have no idea if the friday theme is "it's your funeral" - ? - but it seems ironically appropriate. The smell of burning bridges fills my nostrils.
:( sad sad sad. so horrible to inflict pain like this on someone who loves me. I really hope I am doing the right thing.
Posted by phreq at January 23, 2004 08:40 AM | TrackBackSorry to hear. 11 months yesterday since my breakup so OK now. First couple of weeks weren't too bad, two or three months later was horrible. Healing's a long & complex process that won't happen overnight. It might take a while to realise but it's not the end of the world. Best thing for now is to stay busy, find a project and throw yourself into it. Do something you've always wanted to do (I started a band). In the meantime go tramping with friends for the weekend or something - friends & family will be very important. Moving might not be a bad idea if you have friends there and something to do. Whatever you do don't get lonely & isolated or sit around the house too much though...
Posted by: Dave at January 23, 2004 10:43 AMHang in there Jen!
Remember that you have friends who love you very much, and are there for you if you need us.
Posted by: Jenni at January 23, 2004 01:53 PMI always think that it takes a lot of guts to break up with someone in the right way. Hope it all works out for you.
Posted by: Cal at January 23, 2004 09:13 PMYeah I'm down with what the others say - you've done the hardest bit already making the decision and then actually going through with the break-up.
Make sure you take plenty of time to be excellent to yourself :)
Posted by: suraya at January 23, 2004 09:49 PMyeah, what they said. be nice to yourself. eat chocolate if necessary. lots.
Posted by: Fi at January 24, 2004 01:14 PMOf course if you give it a rest for a while and aren't convinced you did right, it doesn't have to be a permanent breakup. Problem with non-mutual breakups where one person dumps the other is that the dumped one is at a severe disadvantage in attempting to communicate, so the dumper has a weight of responsibility in controlling where things go. Nothing's easy...
Posted by: Dave at January 24, 2004 10:22 PMYou are hypocritical little slut aren't you. Oh poor me I had a fucked up childhood so I can be a self indulgent little whore and fuck someone else's husband. You don't deserve sympathy you need someone to slap you and tell you to grow up. Lots of people had fucked up childhoods and here's a heads up - they grew up! You knew he was married and you did it anyway... what would your good christian family think of you if they knew.
Posted by: I think you know at October 26, 2004 10:46 PMThanks
Posted by: Online Home Loans at November 19, 2005 07:46 PM