May 31, 2005


You'd think there wouldn't be a lot of intellectual energy required for the re-formatting of text that was good enough to be published. WRONG. I'm struggling with getting graphs to be the right size to be pasted into a document, having to re-create them, and get error bars back on them and generally HAVING TO THINK. Its not the sinecure I was hoping for.

We went out to the library last night, and I saw a book on learning to ride (horses) as an adult. And I thought to myself "Why am I ditzing around dancing, and quilting and generally doing things I would like to do but aren't life long ambitions WHEN I HAVEN'T LEARNT TO RIDE YET????" They say you should never let yourself get old with regrets for stuff you wish you had done, so I'm finally going to get serious, and do something about this. Next year, when I have some money. I've wanted to ride horses ever since I can remember, and its time I stopped dreaming and started making the dream a reality. I've attempted so many times, and made some progress, but this time I'm going to have regular lessons, and learn to sit a canter. Because I'm going to relax sufficiently to let my hips open up. Dangnabbit. I am. If I can get a PhD, I can do THIS.

(Sorry about the shouting, I'm really shouting at me, but it looks like you can hear me doing it...)

Posted by Toni at 08:58 PM | Comments (1)

May 30, 2005

Side effect

h turned one on Friday, and it is now one year and 10 months, more or less, since I had my period. This is definitely A GOOD THING. I don't miss it at all.

I don't miss thinking I'm fat and ugly once a month.

I don't miss having cramps that bend me in double. Not every month, but often enough to keep me nervous.

I don't miss having that damp and sticky feeling. Enough said.

I don't miss staining my underwear, having nappies on, and generally having Issues with Undergarments.

I certainly don't miss the monthly pimple outbreak. I'm too old for that crap.

Yup, if the kid wants to breastfeed for a while longer, I'm willing to let him!

Posted by Toni at 08:27 PM | Comments (1)

May 29, 2005

You and whose army?

You wanna see a good fight? Then watch the various factions in the political sphere fighting over what kind of army we are going to have.

There's the old guard, who believe we should have an army that can FIGHT, and save our country from invaders, and go and fight on the cause of the 'right and just' overseas. They want our soldiers to be many, and to have lots of guns, tanks, strike aircraft, frigates and money. There's a few younger people that would also want to have an army like this. It supplies employment for a lot of people and gives them the exceedingly useful skill of doing what they are told to do. They also learn how to stand up straight and use an iron. As well as shoot to kill.

And at the other end of the spectrum is the total peace niks, who want no army at all. Not for peacekeeping, not for disaster relief, not for running the prisons if the prison guards go on strike. Definitely not for war mongering, whether at home or overseas.

As well, of course, there are the mulitple middle grounders. There's those that want to be able to send peacekeepers, but not with guns, or some are okay with guns. There's those that want to fund the army better than the present government, and those that don't want to increase the allocation, and some that want to decrease it. There's more shades of green, pink and blue than matisse used. Right at the moment we have an army run by middle grounders. Which is quite good in my mind, cos it means there are about three people in the country who have the army they want.

In this country the soldiers have very little say in these things, its up to the policy boffins in the Ministry of Defense and the politicians. But soldiers generally want more toys, and more chance to use them. Otherwise, why would you join the army? So I definitely don't think they should decide. Whoever's army it is, it ain't the soldiers one. And that's been true since private armies ceased. Which they have in NZ, but probably not anywhere else. And there may be very small ones here - what do I know?

for the Friday theme

Posted by Toni at 03:06 PM | Comments (0)

May 26, 2005

Night on the town?

Going out with children, during the week, in Wanganui?? Nah, I wouldn't. Really.

Oh, okay, we did. And the kids were good. Mind you, with the amount of chocolate cake cruising around that place, with FnC for starters, there wasn't anything to complain about anyway.

Went to Savemart today, and now have some jeans that fit, and a rather cool cardigan in cotton I think by El Inka. Damn straight, they have great colours and neat patterns in their knitwear. And there's this beautiful kilt there, that I wants, and I'm thinking of going back to get. Cos it fits, and its got lots of pleats!

Cn got his vaccination today. They have this tricky technique where they get them involved in choosing the sticker they want to have, and stick them while they aren't looking. The needle was on the way out before he realised, and said it hurt. Practice, huh?

PS Karen, great to have you back!!! Blog a bit or email, and tell us how you are, and how the little one is getting along. I'd like to come and visit Palmy soon(ish), and have that all weather suit thing for your bub to wear in the eventual winter

Posted by Toni at 09:49 PM | Comments (1)

May 25, 2005

I got paid!!!

At last, one of the schools I have been working for in Wanganui has paid me. Jolly good thing too, as I have also just written out a lot of cheques. Its a hand to mouth existence for us and will be for a while. I surely hope that the school will have something for me to do next term, cos otherwise I will be back to the cleaning. It looks like it will be easy to keep employed - there are a few ads for labour like mine in the cleaning field. But teaching is definitely more lucrative.

Gave kids some colouring in to do this afternoon and was amazed and dumbstruck by their response - they sat quietly, put lots of effort into making the flowers look good and seemed to enjoy it. I must remember not to underestimate the thrill of having something that looks good in their books.

Posted by Toni at 09:36 PM | Comments (1)

May 24, 2005

Thought for today

Do not wait; the time will never be 'just right'. Start where you stand,
and work with whatever tools you may have at your command, and better tools
will be found as you go along. Napoleon Hill

Oh boy, does this apply to having children...

Posted by Toni at 07:18 PM | Comments (2)

May 23, 2005

Home work ing

I had only one class this morning, and as I had left all my marking at home, and the thesis work is always at home, and it is raining, and I am feeling dedicated - I came home to work, and have indeed been working.

Weekend good, but if I wasn't such a lazy slob a lot more would have got done. On the other hand I might have Ctinued to be too tired to get anything done. So swings and roundabouts. Kids great, and c in particular had a good weekend with soccer, going out and about with Mum and having a friend over for Hours and Hours, which meant he had someone to help destroy the furniture. Wonderful!

Rain though - we had plenty yesterday. The pool is nearly overflowing. On the other hand the stormwater downpipes that just discharge onto the ground didn't seem to cause any problems, so that may be how we do the stormwater separation. Except for the Big Giant Downpipe, that drains over 80 square metres of roof. That One will need a soakpit. Ohhh Yesss, it certainly will.

But I'm back to chapter 7, the aim is to send it to other people so that it is not my problem anymore, temporarily. Check that spelling go...

Posted by Toni at 01:21 PM | Comments (0)

May 19, 2005

Microscopic things

Today we looked at pond scum - its amazing how much life there is in a bucket of dirty water. And interesting how many kids are fascinated with it.

There is a breed of person who joins the military and stays, and when they leave (or the military throws them out) it remains the center of their life. Cversations with these people revolve around "When they were in..." . I've noticed officers seem to be more prone to not getting over their military careers - wonder why that is?

We are drowning in unfiled pieces of paper. They irritate the crap out of me. I like papers that need actioning to be actioned and then filed. If they don't need actioning, they either get binned or filed. If they need to be actioned in the future, they should be the only ones not in the file. Round here, the round file and the stuff that needs to be filed are getting mixed because I have not got round to the job, and then the baby plays with them. I'm just off to fix one of the things that is stressing me.


Posted by Toni at 08:50 PM | Comments (3)

May 18, 2005

Back on the blog again

I'm way out of practice, so you can expect this to have No Flow Whatsoever.

I'd not forgotten how to teach, but i had forgotten how to discipline third formers. By the seCd day it sounded like there was no teacher in the room. An absolute riot. So today, I threw them out of the room, told them off outside, and gave them another go, all before we did the roll call. Worked a treat. The next class I kept in at interval, half of them anyway. And I am going to threaten those whose books are not fixed up with the deans... I had forgotten how to be mean and nasty, or is firm and fair? Anyway we got much more work done, and I enjoyed the whole process more. And I don't care whether they enjoy it, you know?

Being at home with a baby and a thesis can be quite isolating. If you go out, you just know the baby will get sick. And when he is asleep, I have been doing thesis. So I've stayed home in the hope he will sleep. Having a school kid on the other hand gets you into the thick of the community straight away. The kid wants to play with the other kids on the block, meet the neighbours, join the soccer team. When you drop them off at school you meet other parents, and teachers, and the kids that you teach at high school. So a week after Cn started school, I felt like a genuine member of the community.

When you marry, if you are not a handy person, marry a handy person. You can save thousands. The same applies to casual relationships and civil unions. Its a great thing if one of you knows how to fix stuff round the house. Trust me, I know.

Posted by Toni at 07:31 PM | Comments (1)

May 09, 2005

slipping slightly sideways

Well, I got a teaching job. Part-time and temporary (for the term) but it will be a great improvement on cleaning I guess. It has its down sides - I have to organise child care and before and after school care, but it gets my foot in the teaching door, and also I should get a teaching reference, which will be another help in the search for a longer term solution to employment. I will clean and teach this week - don't expect much blogging ay?.

Further news, h has his first word - Mama, c joined a soccer team, and we have a neighbour with a small boy who is great to have over for playing and vice versa.

Better go, thesis ain't going quickly with two jobs either.

Posted by Toni at 10:48 AM | Comments (2)

May 06, 2005

I'm the sort of person

that can't stop thinking. All day, there are thoughts both weighty and light dancing through my head. Not everyone is like this - R actually stops thinking sometimes! I have no idea how he does it, but would like to. Schmutzie can also do it.

I'm the procrastinating kind, but Flylady has been working on it and I've been happier since then.

I'm the long term planning kind, especially when it comes to money. The reason we have this house is because R said he wanted a house, I knew I did, so I started saving money even though we were only on one income and couldn't save much. But I knew a little saved for a long time will work, just slower than a lot saved for a little time. So when we got our mortgage statements this week, another long term plan was hatched!

I'm the sort of person who finds it incredibly difficult to tell lies, because i value the truth so much. It means I don't get asked by friends what I think unless they really want to know. After the first time! It also means i can be quite quiet at some meetings... It's a kind of lie to keep silent, but there is a limit to how many Csequences I can live with.

I'm a techno geek who loves to read manuals.

I'm the kind of person who swears a lot. And who uses analogies. I have colourful spoken language, which is difficult to switch off sometimes. I am not formal. Even when I really need to be, the informality just sneaks out.

I could go one, but I am a person who needs to finish the thesis. And I just noticed this is all positive I'm the sort of person, instead of 'not the sort of person'. I'm not the sort of person who reads this stuff too carefully!!!

For the Friday theme

I'm not the sort of person who can remember the way to code links - can we please have the little button back on the moveable type page? Pretty please with chocolate, alcohol, coffee or whatever bribe will work? That link took nearly the same time as the entry!

Posted by Toni at 12:40 PM | Comments (0)

May 05, 2005

Internet at speed, at last

Have finally Cnected the adsl thingy and have high speed internet. And lo, it is good.

Thesis moving at speed also, as h is sleeping for long periods in the middle of the day. And I am feeling motivated/desperate.

My cleaning job is fine, I have the art room to do which is hard, cos my job is not tidying up, its cleaning. And that room sure needs both. It is also very crowded in there with desks and stuff, lots of stuff, and that makes it hard to move around. Any ho, the other rooms are a computer room which was filthy, a design room mostly computers, a woodwork room, a sewing room and a photographic room. So different. And a very uncool toilet. I wouldn't have let the dog use it the first night I was there. Its getting better, but will never be great.

Family all good, but all very tired with working all week. I keep checking the day, but it still isn't Friday. Maybe tomorrow... And worst of all I have to work on Friday night. Its a nightmare. I might have a teaching job offered soon, doing science too and part time, but they didn't ring today, which is probably not a good sign.

Posted by Toni at 09:17 PM | Comments (0)

May 02, 2005

Waiting and working

I'm waiting on the three o'clock home time for the senior son. I wonder how he went at school, and whether he enjoyed it. I talked to another mother on the way home who has just sent her third off to Gonville - they have all had the same teacher at the start, and she says this teacher, who has the joy of senior son, is fantastic. Very calm, clear boundaries, and the patience of a saint. Perhaps the patience of a pope dealing with the media!

The junior son is asleep, and I have done a reasonable amount of thesis in the snooze time - may this Ctinue please, whoever Ctrols these things. It would be great to palm it off to god, but I suspect my work habits are actually my own responsibility.

So the first day of feeling like a real mom at home has been calm and successful. I have my first night of work tonight, which will be okay. Damn shame about the pay rates, but its either work for little and have the rest of my time to myself, or take on something a bit more substantial, and the book will never be done. Realistically. By gum though, the fact I am working is going to stop me from freaking out financially. I am freaking out study wise instead now. Watch me worry...

Posted by Toni at 02:23 PM | Comments (1)