October 26, 2006

An attack of the glums

I feel unable to get cheerful at the moment. There are a few reasons why, laid out yesterday... R went to some counselling yesterday, and he certainly seems to be listening this time around. Last time he had counselling he didn't really take anything in - he had homework to do, which he didn't do, and then he didn't have the guts to turn up to the counsellor and say he had failed to do his homework. I'm thinking about getting some counselling myself - but I don't want to travel over to Palmy for it, I'd rather not spend two hours driving for a half hour or hour appointment.

And then I'm not sure how much of this 'glumness' is real and how much of this I have talked myself into. When I have a class going well I feel fine, as if there is nothing wrong. But when I am on my own I feel really down. I want to get out of my life - I dream of acquiring superhero powers or winning a lot of money - both are fantastic run away from problem scenarios. And yet, these may be the kind of problems that would follow me even if I could fly or if I could travel without ceasing.

Posted by Toni at October 26, 2006 08:25 AM

Note my busy-ness. Sometimes I feel that if I don't have anything planned to do, I will just wind down and focus on negative aspects of my life and start to get upset and cry... but currently, no time for that!

Sometimes it is just so easy for me to get upset. Tiredness plays into it, but also isolation. Currently my busy-ness is leading me to be left out of spontaneous social gatherings and it makes me feel so left out to know that others are having fun without me. Nevermind that I have fun without them. Wedding stress is also beginning to take effect. Gyah!

I am actually quite hopeful that Beau's priest will ask us to undertake councilling before we get married. This is pretty common for Catholics to do.

I realise that I may have typed nothing helpful! Hopefully nothing hurtful either.

Empathy does abound. Here is the essence of Buddhism:

Life is Suffering

Posted by: giffy at October 27, 2006 03:09 PM

It doesn't matter if the comment helped or not - just to have someone reply lets me know someone is listening and cares. It is the very best that can happen to us/me.

Posted by: toni at October 27, 2006 08:20 PM

My reason for liking comments!

There must be somewhere local you can go to for councilling? Or do you think it might be more helpful for you guys to go together?

I'm quite grateful to a workmate of mine who has told me that her and her husband have done councilling in the past few years. They've been married for like 20 years. It reassures me to know that people who have troubles in their marriage do work on it. I'd love to believe that my Beau and I will have a perfect marriage with no serious problems. I find it more easy to believe that these problems will turn up, but that we can work through them together!

Posted by: giffy at October 29, 2006 12:59 PM

I decided I needed counselling once, but after I went to a counsellor I realised I didn't really need it cos I already knew what I needed to know. I've found some really good self-kelp kind of books quite useful in the past. And there are also some really good on-line message boards that are good too.

Posted by: cal at October 29, 2006 02:07 PM

I haven't had a lot of counselling in a formal situation before, and I have always found books really helpful. When I have had anything to do with counselling I find I have a commentary going through my head - Oh Yes, I remember that from such and such book, Hmm, I tried that, read about it here... Its kind of undermining.

Marriage is really really hard. No-one is perfect, and when you are in a long term high committment relationship everyone's faults are magnified. And it is harder than being a family in some ways - no matter how hard you try, as a kid you can't leave your family. In today's society, not only can you leave your husband/wife, in many ways you are encouraged to. Marriage is shown in the media as being either truly awful, or absolutely fantastic. The bog standard reassuring but irritating doesn't make it to the screen, big or little. The rewards of sticking out the bad times are great, and sticking them out when leaving seems so much easier is the hardest thing.

Posted by: toni at October 30, 2006 06:10 AM