June 04, 2004

Attacking

No, No, I'm meant to be at home radiating peace and earth mother smug satisfaction with having produced a wee scrap of humanity (also known as a baby).

But in fact I am waging a war - I am trying not to be subsumed into motherhood to the deteriment of my mental health. I am trying to keep some space for my other son, for my husband, for my thesis and keeping house. And the only way to do that is to alternately attack and defend against the scrap. He has been programmed to think he is the center of the universe, he really doesn't know the rest of us are here. So if he is hungry, whatever you are doing be damned, he is hungry and wants that fixed right now. But it has to be balanced - it ain't right for him to be ignored, abandoned, or even made to wait too long. balancing, balancing.

I'm thinking learning balance is actually what I mean by growing up - and I am still waiting/trying to grow up. Much to my mother's amazement. She says "You have two children, of course you are a grown-up".

Posted by Toni at June 4, 2004 11:24 AM
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