I had great fun when I was going out with the boy* because I could confuse the hell out of people by asking “hypothetical” questions about our relationship. “If I’m in drag, and he picks me up at a gay bar, is it a queer relationship?” “What if he’s in drag too, and I fuck him with a strap-on, does that mean it’s straight sex?” I used to love tossing these questions at Christians and then watching their sheltered little minds boggle.
So, getting back to Saturday’s brunch conversation, the boy*2 said that cunnilingus was hard to perform when there was a penis in the way. I wanted to argue the point then and there, but it seemed a little complicated and controversial for a Saturday morning, and anyway I was preoccupied with the business of eating brunch. But the Sex Blog has been brewing in the back of my mind for a while, so I thought it might be time to get it out of my system.
The cunnilingus quote (I’m going to get some interesting search referral terms this week) arose during a conversation about same-sex marriage. What exactly, we wondered, is the difference between straight and queer relationships? Well a queer relationship can be just about any combination of genders and lifestyles sexual practises. A straight relationship, on the other hand, can only be between a man and a woman. So, the question has to be asked, what is a man? And what is a woman?
I’m presuming that most of my readers are progressive enough to realise that gender boundaries are pretty fluid and flimsy. There are women who wear the pants and men who do the housework, and that’s just where it starts. The idea of two separate and opposite genders is a myth, and an incredibly dangerous one. “But,” even my most radical friends sometimes remark, “there are physical differences between men and women.” That’s what gender differences arise from, right? Even if it’s partly social, it’s part biology.
At first the external differences seem pretty obvious. Men have a penis, and women don’t. Right? Actually, during the first stages of foetal development all humans are identical, it’s only later that differences in the sexual organs develop. The clitoris and the penis are formed from exactly the same tissue. Likewise the testes and ovaries, the labia and scrotum start off the same.
Most people think that the differences between male and female genitals are a biological fact, but actually they’re a social construction. Doctors take a look at the new-born baby, and if the phallus is over a certain length they say it’s a penis, and they say it’s a penis and call the baby a boy. And if it’s below a certain length they say it’s a clitoris and call the baby a girl. And if it’s somewhere in between they say the baby is fucked up and needs surgery*3.
The other physical differences are just as blurry. When was the last time you had your chromosomes checked? How do you know they match your gender? Some people have XXY, XO, or YY chromosomes. All sorts of things can alter hormone levels, even exercise. And reproduction isn’t very clear-cut, because there are people who can’t have children, or choose not to.
Oh dear, it’s just gone midnight and my train of thought has derailed in the darkness. There was a point I was getting at, somewhere around here… I think I was just trying to show that it’s all very blurry and mixed up and not as clear-cut as people tend to believe. Oh yeah, and there was that theory about cunnilingus. According to my sources*4 cunnilingus is “oral stimulation of the clitoris or vulva.” Well, there are many ways that this could be achieved even if there was a penis in the way… but I’ll just give you one example. An intersexual person who has a vulva and a large phallus that has been classified as a penis. Actually, when I started this entry I was intending to rant about Intersex Genital Mutilation, but I'm so tired I'll have to leave it for another day. And on that note, I’m going to bed.
* Not the boy I mentioned yesterday, who just happened to be the only boy at brunch on Saturday, but another boy, the only one I’ve ever managed a long term relationship with.
*2 Not the same boy I went out with; the brunch one.
*3 More on that tomorrow.
*4 My usual source of choice, the Shorter Oxford, doesn’t have even have an entry for cunnilingus.
Posted by Fionnaigh at August 5, 2003 12:26 AMIts this kind of crap talk that purposely aspires to blur gender,gender is not blurred at all. Its the usual hijacking of the language to attempt to modify societally accepted norms.
Posted by: SIKOFBS at October 27, 2003 09:47 PM