If you run out of things to blog about, you can always steal ideas from other people’s blogs. Today’s entry was inspired by the china shop and Life on Earth.
I would never eat peanut butter straight from the jar. Not because it’s gross. Because I still cling to an irrational belief dating back to my childhood, that if I eat peanut butter from the jar I will die. I have vivid memories of various adults telling me “don’t eat peanut butter by itself, you’ll choke.” For similar reasons I am terrified of apple skins.
And pineapples. Someone told me that if I ate the wrong bits (the core, or those round prickly things at the outside of the flesh) it would cut my mouth. I had visions of blood streaming from my mouth and intense agonizing pain.
But fish, well, fish was the worst of all. Several grownups helpfully informed me that if I swallowed a fishbone it would get stuck in my throat and I would choke. I still chew each mouthful of fish for at least 10 minutes before swallowing.
Funnily enough, all my irrational beliefs centered on food. I never believed in strange concepts such as “Santa Claus.” Oh, sure, I put a stocking out each year, but that was just commonsense. Your parents are going to buy you presents anyway, but if they have to fill up a stocking as well then there’s a distinct possibility that you’ll increase the number of presents that you’ll receive. This works especially well when you’re an only child. Curly blond hair and chubbiness is also useful (although this is likely to have more influence on aunts and elderly neighbours than your parents).
When I was about five I had a huge argument with my best friend (two years older than me). I made the mistake of claiming that Santa Claus was in fact a mother or father sneaking in after dark. I think it took about six years for her to forgive me.
Who would want to believe in Santa anyway? Big fat guy with an unhealthy obsession with children (and you know your mother always told you, never take sweets from strangers). Sounds like a nightmare, not a fairytale, if you ask me.
[This children’s writing course is proving to be good therapy. When I started the course I had about two or three memories from my childhood, the rest was completely blank. Now it is al starting to come back.]
[dismay] I could choke on peanut butter?! Nah, surely that's just aimed at kids, who probably have poor chewing and swallowing skills?
I fell asleep once while I was chewing gum, which could have been lethal but instead resulted only in a chewing gum ban.
Posted by: iona (the peanut butter girl) at May 1, 2003 04:21 PMWhat are you doing chewing your fish? Are you slipping off of the vegan wagon?
Don't worry - So am I!
And, yes, curly hair (even what little you now have) and chubbiness is very very cute, especially with your not-so-secret admirer (poor, sad, shunned luser who is at least as messed-up as you, and who can't even get lunch with you anymore these days... *sob*).
And, um...
Whadya mean, Santa isn't real?!?!?!?
Blasphemy!
You question Santa's existance, and yet you dare to call yourself a "Christian"?!?!?
--Kiss-on-the-forehead-for-lovely-young-Fi