beautiful monsters

How do you like yours?

"There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say the glass is half full. And then there are those who say: this glass is half empty.

The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: ‘What’s up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don’t think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!

And at the other end of the bar the world is full of the other type of person, who has a broken glass, or a glass that has been carelessly knocked over (usually by one of the people calling for a larger glass), or who has no glass at all, because they were at the back of the crowd and had failed to catch the barman’s eye."

- Terry Pratchett.

Get your ass down to the Fringe

And see The New Scum – the most innovative, challenging and inspirational theatre you are likely to see this year, fresh from sell-out Australian seasons... "Theatre so sharp it draws blood... Theatre in Decay dares to propose that, however much we try to escape or deny it, the human species actually craves the destructive oblivion of violent acts." At the Bluenote till 28 February, tickets are $13 if you’re a poor beneficiary/student type, $10 if you’re a fringe addict like me, otherwise $18. Life is cheap, buy some now.

I’m getting old

I used to be able to stay up all night. And then the next night. And the night after that... 3am was my most creative time, when I could usually be found painting or writing.

Not any more.

Got up at 4am this morning. Went down to the beach and meditated, prayed in various fashions and languages, ate remarkably healthy food, felt fantastic.

Tried to walk up the hill to university. Felt awful. Realised I’d abstained from sugar and caffeine (and wheat and dairy) for almost 12 hours. Also realised I’d only had 4 hours sleep. I ached all over, I felt dizzy, and I was so #$%*&@# tired.

I’ve decided that I need drinking chocolate to get me through the next 25 hours until my exam is over. On Friday morning I am going to wake up early, do yoga and go for a bikeride, meditate and pray and eat wonderful healthy food (no sugar, no caffeine, no wheat, no dairy, no meat, no nasty GE or highly processed crap). Start placing your bets now. Will I last 4 hours? A day? Two days? A whole week?!!

Or do I really mean it this time?

I should have known...

That if I went away for the night, none of the others would remember to put the rubbish out.

Not in our name

Let's bomb Texas, they have oil too.
How did our oil get under their sand?
Preemptive impeachment.
Frodo has failed, Bush has the ring.
Less Bush More Trees
How many bodies per mile?
War is so 20th century!
Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.
I asked for universal health care and all I got was this lousy stealth bomber.

Cyber

They must hate me. I can still remember the way their eyes seemed to rip me open. I’ll always be the one who enticed their precious little boy away from the straight and narrow, away to a life of sin and perversion.

You were the adored only child, so sweet, so innocent, your eyes wide enough a man could get lost in them. Fuck, you were beautiful. Not that I knew anything about beauty when we met. You were just another name flashing up on my screen. Just another pickup line. I want you to make me hot. My fingers rested on the keys as I watched your words appear before me. By then I was already under your spell.

It didn’t take long to find the park you’d described. It was summer, the sky was still bright and there were kids running around, playing bulrush or whatever kids play these days. I sat on the swings and waited for you. Wearing my wine red shirt, charcoal pants, I’m the one holding a white rose, I wouldn’t be hard to spot, the only grown man in a park full of kids.

You crept up behind me. Said my name, softly, and I jumped off the swing. The sun was behind you, and your hair seemed to shimmer like an aura around your head. I stepped forward, then hesitated, not sure whether to hug or kiss or reach for your hand. Instead, I just stood there, and you stood, looking back at me, until I started to feel awkward. "Hi," I said, and gave you a quick hug, touching you for only the briefest moment.

The evening was filled with awkward pauses. I figured you were just shy. You’d said so much online, but now you seemed to be lost for words. I’d ask you a question, and you’d just shrug, or offer one or two words and then retreat into silence. In the end I took you to a movie, something stupid and American, it seemed the easiest thing to do. When we walked out of the theater it was dark outside. We drove around for a while until I felt your silence was becoming unbearable. I pulled over, leaned across, and kissed you. The silence seemed less awkward when we had something else to do with our mouths.

You didn’t want to go home that night, you said we couldn’t go back to your place, you pleaded with me. In the end we called in on a friend of mine, crashed on a single bed in the spare room. You left me to take the lead. "What do you want me to do?" I said, and you just shrugged, looked at me with those big pleading eyes.

During the night you broke the silence with small cries, and at times I wasn’t sure if they arose from pleasure or pain. "What do you want me to do?" I repeated in the dark, and in the absence of a reply, I acted on guesswork.

It was the next morning, waking to find you clinging to me, your arms and legs wrapped around me, your bright hair limp across your forehead, it suddenly struck me how young you were. I stroked your hair away from your eyes, and they flickered open.

All morning, you cried silently. I tried to comfort you as best I could. You just needed to believe someone could love you. I kept you safe in my arms, and kissed away your tears. Fuck, you were beautiful.

They must hate me. I don’t blame them.

I’ll never let them take you away.

Posted by Fionnaigh at February 19, 2003 08:18 PM