Stencils... gone... *sob*
Don’t you hate it when...
...you’re so sleep-deprived that you fall asleep on the bus, and wake to find yourself in a completely unfamiliar neighbourhood.
Yay for bloggers!
Hello and welcome and thank you to everyone who has been reading my blog and posting messages and emailing me - I have been so moved by what some people have said that I have had tears streaming down my face. You're all fantastic, and I love ya!
If you’re manic and you know it clap your hands
It’s official. I have A Mood-Swinging Disorder (Possibly Bipolar Complicated By Sexual Abuse Issues). Once I’ve done all the necessary blood tests, they’re going to put me on lithium. It could be worse. At least lithium is sort of "natural," at least in comparison with some of the other pharmaceutical cocktails I have been persuaded to ingest. One of the women at the Women’s Health Collective described it as a "good" drug (as opposed to bad/wrong/evil) which was reassuring. It might even help. Think positive!
(re) creation
"And what a congress of stinks! Roots ripe as old bait, Pulpy stems, rank, silo-rich, Leaf mold, manure, lime, piled against a slippery planks, Nothing would give up life: Event the dirt kept breathing a small breath." – Theodore Roethke.
Isn’t compost amazing? Being able to turn something icky into something beautiful and useful. Wouldn’t it be great if we could turn President Bush into something beautiful and useful? How wonderful, if we could compost the WTO and grow sugarsnaps and sunflowers.
My head hurts
"Accompanying this fragmented and decentered pluralism is a critic of the broader totalising epistemic orientations of historicism as a subset of post-structuralism (and conversely the condition from which structures of cultural critique are seen to emerge) replacing the search for authoritative universality and order with a yearning for particularity and disorder and resulting in a condition of postmodernist cultural non-residency caused by the inevitable underside of a fractured and ambivalent discourse dissected by a interdependent intellectual cadre blah blah blah blah blah."
What the #@*%?!!! Try understanding that at 3am. I bet the author felt really clever using all those big words. Just handed in my essay and now I just have an exam left and then I’m free. For a whole week before classes start again. I feel like I’ve got another migraine coming on...
The pot-bellied mortar of laughter stands in a square drunk with joy
I don’t know... I found it in a book somewhere and I wanted to use it.
Addiction update
Rapid deterioration today due to last minute nature of essay completion – high stress levels and severe sleep deprivation. Ran out of drinking chocolate and had to resort to large doses of strong black tea with lots and lots of sugar.
On one level, it’s kinda funny, I know. But on another level, substances (even those that most people can manage easily) have a huge effect on me. Alcohol plunges me into intense bouts of depression and suicidal ideation. Sedatives cause severe panic attacks. When I was on contraceptive pills for a while I turned into a horrible grumpy emotional monster. Really. Drinking chocolate might not seem like a serious addiction, but it probably doesn’t help with the mood swings.
Tomorrow. I am going to give up caffeine and sugar... tomorrow.
Right now I am going to go and see a movie to celebrate the fact that I have handed in my last essay for the summer term. Hurrah!
Posted by Fionnaigh at February 14, 2003 07:45 PMHurrah for the term end... not hurrah for giving up caffeine.... must have cofffeeee.....
Posted by: deeva at April 13, 2003 07:54 PMwelcome to the bipolar club. side effects aside, lithium is pretty dandy. it's been pretty good to me, and i hope it treats you well, too. the side effects might be pretty rough at first. (fine motor skills even now are not in my bag of tricks.)
breaking my caffeine addiction -- and for me it was an addiction -- was tough, but i am immensely glad i did it. good luck to you!
Go slow with the caffeine or you'll get sick from withdrawal, yuck.
As for sugar... that addiction is all in your mind :0 Look for Stevia at the health food store to help sweeten things up. It is not only not sugar, but it is good for you.
Posted by: wickedgood at April 13, 2003 07:55 PMYou know what I hated most at uni? Lit crit.
I have a friend who's bipolar. Lithium didn't work well with him, but you get that with brain chemistry, you just have to find what works for you. The process is a complete bitch.
Posted by: Ghetsuhm at April 13, 2003 07:55 PM