July 28, 2004

In the spotlight

My Dad has started to read my blog.... that makes me feel a bit weird. Too many people I know are reading it. Now I can't complain about anyone because they might read the blog and get upset! Wa-ah!

Also, he mocked me about implying I was fabulous. Harsh.

Also several of the blogs I read have discussed negative body images. I feel bad about how I look or present myself a lot of the time, but sometimes I feel that my feelings are marginalised because I am percieved as "confident". Sometimes I feel really awkward about talking to strangers or people I don't know very well. But the thing is that I will go and do it. Or I will wear an outfit that is not 100% flattering, such as my swimsuit. Still get out into the pool. Now I realise that some people can't bring themselves to do these things at all, and I am totally cool about that, they probably feel worse than me, but that does not mean that I do not feel bad. That does not mean I always am enjoying myself. I remember that at TCol I mentioned an experience I had where I stood up to an employer and the lecturer said, "Yes, you are confident, you could do it" or something like that. It was like because I could do those things they were easy for me. Well it wasn't easy, it was hard and upset me for a long time, but I did do it, because I felt like it had to be done and noone else was going to.

There are few things that I would say I am 100% confident about. Maybe the love of my family, but even then there are still insecurities. I am just happy that I can pull up my toe socks and keep on going. My life has been pretty much problem free and sometimes I feel bad for feeling bad about such inconsequential things.

On a different tack, Svend seems to be living in my flat but I do not seem to be seeing him. That is kind of strange, also, he is about to go to England for a month so I definitely won't see him then. I hope he puts away more of his stuff before then. I have to go back to my parents place and cart a bunch of old clothes to the Sallies or do something with them. I also bought some silk in Thailand that I want to get made up into some outfits.

Currently feeling tired and missing Beau even tho it has only been 3 days since I saw him last. I shall endeavour to go over to his place sometime tonight and give him a hug and go on the treadmill. He has Role playing tonight so won't really be able to speak to him. I hope his week is going alright.

I should also try and get in contact with Jonno, apparently he came over on Sunday and visited for a while, but I was out. He has started new job and i hope that is working out. Bean texted me and she is happy up on the east coast but does not appear to have much cell phone coverage or internet of any kind. Also hope A is happy and health and that her tonsilectomy went without a hitch.

Puggle made pototo and smoked chicken salad last night. She is rocking in the cooking department recently!

Posted by giffy at July 28, 2004 11:48 AM | TrackBack