Final drafting is terrifying. Because it is entirely possible to just keep on 'fixing' things until it is 'perfect', but then of course, you never let it go.
I've had a lot of trouble reworking the fist few chapters, looking at perfectly functional, if clunky, sentences and trying to imagine them a different way. How can I say this better? I think to myself, and I don't always have an answer.
I think I have to be in the right headspace to redraft effectively, but it is fun when I can do it. I also like it when I get to sentences that Lee has made a note on and I decide that it's better my way, it doesn't need changing. Conversely, he often has a point and I am able to improve my prose.
I really like it when I get to a page or most of a page and he's not marked anything for errors and I can grin smugly to myself and say 'see? I can do this.'
In terms of dreaming of being a writer in my head success is measured largely in big obvious ways: Getting published, seeing a book that I wrote for sale on a shelf in a bookshop, giving readings at schools or bookshops, doing book signings.
Then I think of things that I would love to have happen but have no control over: My book being offered for sale in the Lucky Book Club, being nominated for the NZ Post children's book awards, receiving fanmail.
Ideally making a living through writing. I am lucky to be in a job that is flexible enough that I can and have reduced my hours, that my bosses are supportive of me pursuing my dreams even outside of the company, that my job doesn't follow me home and take up valuable mindspace. I can (mostly) leave it behind and focus myself on imagining worlds.
PoF: word to your mogwai
CO: sunshine through the window