This just arrived in the mailbox (warning - entry contains swearing):
To Drummers (wannabes)
Well its been a good afternoon then you started your fucking drumming.
Its happening to often now & is pissing all your neighbours off. Everytime I want to sleep or have a relaxing afternoon your fucking horrid noise starts up.
I have a friend in a band, he can't drum for shit but compared to you he is a god damn expert.
HERE'S SOME HINTS:
1) You can't drum
2) You have no god damn rhythm
3) You CAN'T drum!!!
YOU SUCK, SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!
Next time noise control will be called.
SIGNED - THE WHOLE FRICKING NEIGHBORHOOD!
Hmm, second time this year I've been on the receiving end of a stream of semi-literate invective (spot the grammatical errors in it). While as a beginner I can't make any claim for musical worth in my drumming practice (none of it's going on an album for a while yet), I'll just point out that:
a) The claim to speak for 'the whole fricking neighborhood' is specious. The neighbours here have all been spoken to and are OK with there being a drumkit here, except for one neighbour who Cynthia's not on good terms with - as he has repeatedly walked across her section (private property) and trampled on plants. Presumably this is the letter-writer...
b) Drumming practice is in short bursts, ten minutes max, no more than once or twice a day and never late at night. Nothing like the weedeater on the opposite section...
c) Isn't it a logical absurdity to insist so dementedly that we (I'm not the only one who has a go on the kit) CAN'T drum, when clearly we can - as the sound of drumming is what they're complaining about. If we couldn't drum, there'd be nothing to complain about. Bit of a Catch 22. Presumably they mean 'you can't drum like [insert name of proficient drummer]'...
d) Maybe doesn't help that I'm inclined to go for a John French-influenced sound (the drummer for Captain Beefheart & the Magic Band in their Trout Mask Replica period).
Funnily, I've been thinking of adding a reviews page to www.fiffdimension.co.nz as a way to attract visitors and keep the content fresh. It would be hypocritical for me to not include the above note, so that can go in first! It can go along with other classic reviews I've had, such as a 'you're terrible!' in Melbourne, the infamous Mantis Shaped and Worrying review in NZ Musician (it got good reviews as well but they're not so much fun), and the lovely quote from my mother (overheard talking to my aunt several years ago), 'David loves to play guitar but he sounds terrible and has absolutely no talent'.
That which does not kill us makes us stronger and all that. Nick Cave has a song called 'Scum' about his critics - "you're on the shit list / thrust and twist, twist and screw / you gave me a bad review / and maybe you think it's all just water under the bridge / well my un-friend, I'm the type that holds a grudge / I am your creator, you fucking traitor, chronic masturbator, shitlicker, user, self-abuser..." etc. Has to bring a smile. My favourite response to critics though is Neil Young's quiet observation in 'Ambulance Blues', "Now all you critics sit alone / you're no better than me for what you've shown".
Best part is, running a music website, producing a music show for regional tv, and studying at the Nelson School of Music, I can focus on music fulltime for the next year!
But what if they're right?
Posted by fiffdimension at December 18, 2005 03:45 PM | TrackBack