October 10, 2005
3 to go
I was up bright & early this morning, full of confidence and having practiced shorthand every day last week... but the class this morning went as badly as ever. There was one passage where I came close to getting it, I was keeping up all the way, until I got distracted for some reason and completely lost the plot towards the end.
Two more attempts this week, then one more next week. I feel pretty low. The way the narrative's supposed to go is that I had my dark-night-of-the-soul period in 2003, then did the journalism course and was able to sort my life out. But instead I've swapped one kind of torment for another - feelings of frustration and low self esteem and failure. I've achieved almost nothing with my life, apart from a series of albums which hardly anyone has heard. Going around again in circles here. If I could pass the course it'd break the chain?
Looks like I'm getting out of Wellington for the summer, maybe leaving for good this time. This city gets me down. I'm incredibly fortunate to have an understanding girlfriend in Nelson - who's put in several hours helping me practice the shorthand, hope it's not wasted - so I can move down to stay with her for a bit. Get a job, play music in a less competitive & snobbish environment than the 'Creative Capital' (capital in the economic sense, thereby degrading the whole notion of creativity), try and get back on my feet. Cynthia says she looks forward to getting back the Dave she knew in Melbourne - I was much happier there, not having to think about shorthand, though living in a fool's paradise as I was only postponing it. It's just a miracle that she has the patience to put up with my current melancholic period.
I've been getting fat & unfit since coming back to Wellington, not enough exercise. Time to head off to the gym - right now, hopefully cheer myself up - and do some more study before bed. I'm not beaten yet.
Oh, and there's this gig coming up on Friday, in Paekakariki. Come along and see my good side...
Posted by fiffdimension at October 10, 2005 06:26 PM | TrackBack