I guess I don’t handle stress that well. I’m getting hair falling out, couple of white hairs appearing at the temples, stomach cramps… Hope I don’t end up bald from this course.
I made some small headway today, got the Asia 2000 application written and was approximately diligent about doing shorthand practice. I also coughed up the $80 for the bike crash on Tuesday. I think I would have had a better than even chance of winning in the disputes tribunal as I probably did have the right of way, but I felt guilty about my brakes being not great. And this way I’ve avoided making an enemy (who works at the local supermarket where I go fairly often).
By coincidence Student Job Search phoned with some work for tomorrow, waterblasting a house. If I do seven or eight hours work that’s the $80 covered. But I have to get up early and go out to Paraparaumu for it and the weather forecast is not looking good.
Manual work is good as a survival mechanism. I’m going into ‘survival mode’ now. This is pretty mild really, the course will be over for better or worse in three weeks. I have the diploma and right to call myself a journalist, and $5500 of course fees riding on this. All the other work I’ve done will be for nothing if I fail the shorthand tests. It’s puny in the universal scheme of things but still looks important here on the ground. Survival mode is where I basically become a robot to work on a goal while I get through a bad situation. It’s only three weeks and a large-but-finite quantity of work to do, this is mild compared to last year when I did some truly shitty hard labouring jobs, under adverse social & environmental conditions, for several months to survive after I got dumped. Better than suicide – and I paid off my student loan as a result.
The flipside is that survival mode’s not much fun, and my ability to interact with other human beings goes out the window. I went to two parties for two different groups of friends tonight – totally failed to relax and enjoy myself, or to communicate with anyone. The women stay away from me in droves.
My grandma wrote to me not long before she died that we have to spend 90% of our time doing things we don't enjoy. Is that a particularly Scottish attitude I wonder? I've spent a large chunk of my time since rebelling against that, giving priority to recreation & art works ahead of dishwashing jobs or whatever. This year they took priority over shorthand practice. So as a result for the next couple of weeks I have to become a recluse and spend all my waking hours on homework to catch up (with allowances for meal breaks, trips to the gym etc).
At least there’s light at the end of the tunnel. No don't tell me it's a train coming.
http://fiffdimension.tripod.com
Man, I can't believe you paid for crashing your bike into a car that pulled in front of you! No matter how crap your brakes were - if you had to brake to avoid a car pulling in front of you, when it was your right of way, you win! Jeez, if this was the US, or even UK, you could sue that driver's ass for stress/trauma. I've only been here a year and a half, and I love NZ, but god the lack of respect from car drivers to a) pedestrians, b) cyclists, c) other drivers, is unbelievable. Rant over. Keep up the good work, good luck with the shorthand!
Posted by: Joe W at October 1, 2004 01:42 AM