Schrodinger's Cat

Collaborative blog effort part 2

> Your turn. Any idea what to make films about?

Oooohhh... hmm.

Doc-wise, I've got one important project and a few other ideas that
could possibly become important projects in the future... or maybe not.
None of them are currently moving forward at the moment, for various
reasons. The big one -- which is what I originally came back to Memphis
to do -- is a film about "the South" as a concept. I have a love/hate
relationship with the South, and I've spent a lot of time trying to
figure out what it means to be Southern (both in terms of popular
assumptions and stereotypes, and reality). (I'm referring, of course, to
the southern United States and the particular culture that seems to
exist there.) That one derailed when the political climate began to
change in earnest, and right now I'm just too bitter to make the film I
want to make. So that's on the back burner. I've also toyed with the
idea of a film about Robert Service (English poet best known for writing
about the far Northwest in Canada and Alaska) and the Yukon gold rush,
and another that would be a sort of social history of prostitution. But
the problem with docs becomes not one of what films you should make, but
which ones to set aside. Some of the best docs ever have been about
subjects that sound painfully mundane on the surface... in fact, most of
them are. (The revelation of the mundane as both Truth and Beauty is
sort of the holy grail of documentary film.) And that means practically
anything, on some level, is a legitimate subject. I have some dramatic leanings as well, though.

I don't think I'm going to be doing any of that today, though... I'm in
a lazy, silly mood and not feeling terribly productive. The weather's
turning nice here (for the brief pleasant season before that horrible
thick summer heat sets in), although we're also moving into tornado
season, which invariably makes me a neurotic mess. (I hate tornados...
hate, hate, hate.) But there are no threatening twisters today, so
that's all good. It would be a perfect night for sitting on the porch
with like-minded people and ranting to each other while sipping beer
and/or margaritas, but that seems unlikely... maybe I'll just rent
movies and pick up some Chinese instead and stay up all night watching
'em.

Yeah, that sounds good. I think I'll do that.

Take it easy,

Heya David,

As for your own writing... dunno. On the one hand, if I interpret
accurately which parts are based in reality and which are exaggerations,
it's quite bold... you certainly don't seem to be covering anything up,
which is definitely good. (If anything I get the impression you have a
tendency to be a bit too hard on yourself, although that applies less to
this piece. ) On the other hand -- and this is more about the approach
than your writing specifically -- it's also possible that
self-revelation, done in this way, can in itself be a way of deflecting
the reader's gaze. Because I can't say for sure which bits are "real"
and which aren't, I still can't really see you for the person you are.
But as I said, since I don't really know you anyway, my interpretations
are inherently subjective to my own life and reality, and I could be way
off the mark all round.

Which, I guess, is a roundabout way of saying that while I can
kinda-sorta see you in this, it's a bit like looking at a person through
frosted glass... it's still unclear. But maybe that was your point. It's
not like knowing the author has much to do with the act of reading his
work, anyway... although it's nice. With a couple of your stories under
my belt, I think I'm starting to get a feel for the way you use words...
it's good. I like.

> "His coffee spillage rate is getting rather high these days. He is fast
> forsaking his original imperative drive and he needs one more cup of coffee
> (Bob Dylan reference) and the ways in which Beefheart Captain’s chosen brand
> of weed must have been so much stronger than Dylan Bob’s and he pretends to
> interact with the society through journalism and the having to make stuff up
> simmering down to a burnt-out urge, and the darker and more intense the
> sun’s burning blackness gets that he finds himself gazing at some afternoons
> as he sits in his room and writes, the narrative urges to make one’s self
> the bad guy, by comparison to the 'ye son r in the army', note the cool and
> contemporary use of text-messaging shorthand, and the ways in which he gazes
> down on the words and burns the lil muhfuhs out and he finds himself banging
> his head quite often against the table and his clothes are mostly brown from
> the amount of coffee that he spills into them each day.
> One day pretty much resembles any other. The political climate worsens."
>
> - from 'Overgrowth'. Written shortly before breaking up early
> last year, which seems to be a turning point in my life as a lot of things I
> thought I knew about myself got seriously challenged. The story's obviously
> exaggerated, but was how I felt. My lifecycle in 2002/03 was more of a
> yin-yang model than boom/bust. 2004's good, I'm out of that loop and the
> period is more in perspective now. Seemed like the end of the world at the
> time.

Yeah... that's the too-hard-on-yourself stuff I was talking about. (Like
I'd know, right? ;) )

I found it
> interesting that Douglas Adams struggled with writer's block after he got
> famous, and then came out with a non-fiction book Last Chance to See about
> endangered species. Pity he didn't write more in that line, it's quite
> good.

I was waaaay into Douglas Adams through late elementary and middle
school... read Hitchhikers numerous times (even "Mostly Harmless,"
though it was really rather crap by comparison), and was a big fan of
the two Dirk Gently books as well. I've even got a signed copy of "Long
Dark Teatime of the Soul;" my dad let me skip school one day and took me
to the SF bookstore in Houston (where we lived at the time) to have it
signed. Douglas was _hugely_ tall, and he had a very, very large nose.
He chatted to us for a few minutes -- there weren't actually many people
at the signing -- signed my book, and shook my hand... and even though I
haven't read his stuff much lately, I was heartbroken when he died. It
was just one of those painfully unfair deaths, the kind that makes you
question the value of a world without someone. More recently, I felt the
same way about Spalding Gray's death.

> Non-fiction has its advantages, I'm finding it a hell of a lot easier to get
> published than fiction anyway. Ideally I'd like to do both. With the
> fiction I like to get into odd juxtapositions and sentences that aren't
> quite grammatically 'right', and I also find it difficult to have much in
> the way of plot movement. I guess Ulysses would be the big influential
> masterwork here, I like the idea of looking at one small thing (eg a day in
> the life of) through a microscope - the mundane as truth & beauty right
> there. I loved Joyce's quote that if his writing doesn't appear to make
> sense, read it aloud and it will.

This is true! One day while I was listening to the radio (NPR... the
subsidized stuff that's actually pretty good), they were doing a bit on
some audio archives in England... I can't remember which archive it was,
but one of the big national collections. And among the pieces they
played was an extremely rare recording of Joyce reading a little of
Finnegans Wake (no apostrophe that time ;) )... it was absolutely
gorgeous! It was MUCH better than if I read it out loud myself... it was
incredibly poetic, even musical. And actually, after hearing it I felt
almost robbed... his writing suddenly had so much more life in it (even
more than before), but I felt as though I'd never be able to hear it the
way it was meant to be heard. Joyce's writing was so auditory that it
was almost as if the perfect reading had died with him... who but Joyce
himself would know how it was intended to be read, and how unfair is it
that he died before it was possible to capture his intentions
completely?

There's a definite analogy with my music,
> since melody equates to plot in some ways. I'm not much good at that but I
> do understand texture and dynamics. As I said making albums works for me as
> they have a dynamic or emotional arc without having to be based on a plot or
> characters. There is a structure at work, which I intuitively understand
> but wouldn't want to analyse excessively (kill the goose that lays the
> golden eggs). Happy to trade stuff, I guess if you have some film work
> that'd be cool but I only have a DVD player not a video. Or if it's not too
> crass I'd be happy to sell you some (I'm not out to make a profit, but have
> to cover the costs of reproduction & packaging and postage).

I don't have much video to send right now anyway... a few months might
make a difference, but no point in hanging around waiting for that to
happen. I should probably use the favorable exchange rate while the US
dollar is still up on _any_ world currency... let me know what you're
asking and I'll sort it out.

> Interesting the choosing to be single, I think young women in general have a
> different life experience from young men. Problem a lot of women seem to
> have is ending up with dodgy partners while guys have the problem of getting
> stuck with no partner at all. Seems to have a lot do with social rituals &
> masks and so guys who can play those games can score more easily but by the
> same token the people who can put up masks often don't have much
> underneath... I'm deeply cynical about this kind of stuff.

I think a lot of women -- even most women -- remain stuck in the trap of
judging their own worth based on whom they're with... the worst possible
outcome of which, of course, is to end up alone, thus explaining the
bastards they tend to attach themselves to. And I do know what you mean
about masks... it often strikes me as tragic that so many people think
they have to appear to be something other than what they are to be
loved, but at the same time I don't have a whole lot of patience with
the practice. Trying to relate to a set of poses and defense mechanisms
in an attempt to make contact with the living human being underneath is
just too frustrating to do for very long. (And often as not, as you say,
once you dig through the facade there's not enough going on under the
mask to make it worth the effort. You do get lucky now and then,
though.)

In any case, I kinda had some single time coming. I got started on the
relationship thing pretty early -- I met #1 when we were both 16, we
started living together when we were 17, and stayed together til we were
22, and then that led pretty directly to relationship #2 which lasted
over two years. So by the time I was in my mid-20s, I'd already spent
the best part of a decade in long-term relationships. And that was cool
and all... but a few years on my own (to make up for the ones I missed)
seemed like a good idea.

Of course, the life of the single woman does have its frustrations...
but I guess you can't have everything.

> I was a late starter with relationships, got my first & so far only
> girlfriend shortly before I turned 23. It lasted just under a year and a
> half. I found it greatly preferable to being single, although it went kind
> of sour towards the end. There's also the social politics crap, the
> boyfriend of a desirable woman is resented by other guys.

Are they? I didn't know that...

I found when I
> had a girlfriend I could concentrate on my writing more easily, it's
> something to do with priorities. First air, then water, then food, then
> shelter etc, when the urgent needs are satisfied then you can concentrate on
> the less urgent ones and so on.

I think it has something to do with energy as well... the other big
reason I don't date around much is because it seems to blow a lot of
energy that I'd rather be using on other pursuits. Having a steady
partner is a great compromise (assuming one is fairly content with one's
S.O.), keeping your frustration to a minimum while freeing up all that
energy for other things. (Hell, even a bad partner can create a lot of
aggressive energy for channeling into one's work.)

> It's a real bummer that George W is so backward looking when it comes to
> environmental matters.

It's not just backward-looking... it seems the guy is hell-bent on
fucking the environment up as much as he is humanly able. The fucker was
giving people _tax breaks_ for buying those big fuck-off Hummers... the
ones that get like 8 miles to the gallon. That's not just backwards,
that's fucking Satanic.

I'm swearing a lot, aren't I? Hmmm... no blushing flower me, I guess. (I
do it a lot more when I'm talking politics, though.)

Conservation should be more not less of a priority
> for governments everywhere, it's actually becoming quite urgent. Pollution
> is a major negative tradeoff for 'progress', in a lot of ways technology
> takes us backwards. Food is an interesting issue, as genetically modified
> crops contaminate organic ones. Until very recently there was nothing but
> organic food, now it's so expensive that only the rich can afford it.
> Ironic since GM is cutting edge technology while producing food 'naturally'
> is now elitist. It's part of why I grow a vege garden, free of pesticides
> etc, though it only gives enough food to supplement my diet. Things like
> vege gardens, marine reserves, solar water heating, using public transport
> instead of cars could improve the situation of the planet considerably, the
> challenge is getting people to adopt them on a mass scale. Making it
> financially preferable to be clean is a good start. Or maybe we'll just
> write off the Earth and move on to Mars and beyond. In NZ the thing with
> DOC is that they have a limited budget so have to concentrate on priorities
> like endangered species, while a lot of the less urgent work but with
> long-term benefits eg trapping forest predators and native bush restoration
> gets done by small community groups. There must be an American equivalent?

Oh yeah, there are many dedicated, passionate groups in this country as
well... but given the government they have to deal with, it's a bit like
pissing in the desert. The cancer in the American system is
corporatism... how can we ever encourage mass transit, or even cleaner
cars, when the people in power have a vested interest in the oil
industry? I think the US is facing a potentially catastrophic weakness
in our dependency on oil... as a nation we are nearly crippled without
it, our economy would collapse without cheap fuel. And yet cheap fuel
also undermines our future economy, our current security, and
everybody's environment. Not to mention the small point that the cheap
gas isn't going to last forever... right now a gallon of gasoline costs
around $2, and already people are talking like it's the end of the
world. They anticipate that later this summer it'll climb to $3 -- which
is still laughably low by the standards of most industrialized nations
-- and the impact that has could be quite profound. On the one hand, I'm
glad to see prices going up (perhaps it will inspire some of our more
irresponsible citizens to use the stuff more carefully), but at the same
time it will have the worst effect on the poor, and much of the money
will end up in the hands of those who need it the least.

Anyway, I finally downloaded your mp3s from your website, and I'm going
to try to say something intelligent about them now, even though -- and
this is no comment on you -- I feel somewhat at a loss. I can
instinctively sense that the relationship between your writing and your
music makes sense, and I wish I could respond to the music the same way
I can to your stories. The more structured one -- forgive me, I don't
have the title in front of me, but I think its the topmost one on its
respective webpage -- actually got a bit of attention around the
Co-op... people were asking what it was, and they seemed to be digging
it. I found it more accessible, as well... hell, I'll be bold, I even
enjoyed it. ;) (Really, I did, honest.)

As for the others, I listened to them very closely -- I wished I could
understand what you (I assume it was you) were saying, it was so quiet,
but maybe that was the idea. I'm actually hesitant to say anything for
fear of sounding foolish or dense... but what the fuck, I'll ask the
obvious dumb question anyway, because I'd want you to ask me if the
situation were reversed. And it is genuinely meant... I don't
understand, but I'd like to. So, here's the obvious dumb question:

What is it?

Anyway, hope your studying is going well... god, I don't miss that part
of academia at all...

I'm continually puzzled & bemused that more people don't immediately click
> onto my music since to me its so natural & obvious. It's just something I'm
> having to get used to... One of the reasons I got into writing stories is
> that people read them who refuse to listen to the music - though not so many
> vice versa. It's basically about words and particular sonic textures, and
> extending the singer/songwriter genre. There's a definite post-punk slant
> but it's 'noisy' rather than 'noise'. It's all done with instruments rather
> than samplers or turntables or whatever, a lot of my aesthetic is about
> going for the 'real' rather than the 'artificial' - part of why I'm so bad
> at social games maybe. I love guitars, there's the idea of the acoustic and
> electric guitars as yin and yang. Bob Dylan and Neil Young are two big
> influential oldies who articulated this, Dylan choosing to alienate his folk
> music audience by playing rock in the mid sixties (and then challenging the
> rock audience by dropping out of the scene and making the minimalist
> acoustic album 'John Wesley Harding' when everyone else was getting into
> 'Sergeant Pepper' and Jimi Hendrix), and Neil Young alternating between
> countryish acoustic stuff and heavy electric extended jamming with Crazy
> Horse. These two also have an aesthetic of looseness, being open to
> spontaneity, mistakes as starting points for new ideas etc which greatly
> appeals. Rather than going for perfection all my music is deliberately
> imperfect, casual. It's a reflection of me as a person - my room's usually
> messy too.

I suppose my question is -- and your room is likely a good analogy if
it's messy in the same way mine is -- is there an underlying logic? For
example, if somebody else steps into my room they'll see low-level
chaos, which for some of them is intolerable. I'd never ask anyone to
find anything in my room. However, if I step into my room, I see a
casual kind of order... it reflects the inside of my own head, and so
makes perfect sense to me. I could probably even sit down and explain it
to people if I had to -- over here by the closet, this is where I'm
usually so impatient to snuggle down into my bed that I could care less
about the hamper, so my clothes are all over the floor. On this side of
my bed, this is where I write and work, so there are some empty glasses
and all my CDs there; on the other side is where I sleep, so that's
where all my books are. Makes sense to me, even if it looks like the
antithesis of organization to everybody else.

So... is that how your music works? Or am I completely missing the
point?

later email>

I found it interesting that Joyce apparently wasn't into
> modernist developments in the other arts. He disliked the avant-garde music
> of his time and just kind of shrugged when taken to a Picasso exhibition.
> Whereas from an historical perspective all that stuff fits in together, and
> also ties in with the way science in the 20th century got suddenly more
> complex with the theory of relativity and the splitting of the atom etc. So
> how does 21st century art reflect the scientific and political climate?

Fuck if I know; I'm completely frustrated with art right now. Everything
I see is complete crap. Nobody seems to have any guts anymore.

It may be because I'm so entrenched in the internet and other
direct-access media right now -- blogging, forums, DV film, striking up
email conversations with complete strangers on the far side of the globe
-- but after the marginalization and isolating effects of the mass-media
age (which I do believe is in its decline), I sense a kind of tentative
groping-towards-each-other going on. A lot of people are still sucking
at the great glass teat, of course -- and okay, whatever, I'm not going
to judge that -- but lots of other people are starting to look around
and notice that they're not alone in the room. If the 20th century was
about breaking reality into its respective parts, both real and
artificial -- isn't that arguably what postmodernism was based on? --
then perhaps the 21st is about finding commonality, locating where
things meet up, seeing how they're connected on an integral level.

>
Not to continually drag the conversation back to film -- I do have other
things in my life, I swear -- but as I read it I found myself really
wishing I could show you what we're doing in film here; I think you
would find it more hospitable than what you've seen in the past. I
don't want to sound presumptuous, but it sounds to me like you fell in
with a film scene that's just not right for you, and that maybe the baby
industry in Wellington is experiencing some badness in any case. I wish
I could introduce you to some of the people I've known, and say, "look,
see, it's not like that everywhere."

We had a really great workshop at the Co-op last night. Six local
filmmakers (of which I was one) just talking about their perspectives on
the whole process... Morgan, who's into direct action techniques, Dogme
95-esque stuff, and a kind of spiritual introspection; Brandon, who's
all about personal expression; Ben, who makes these crazy, iconoclastic
shorts that often as not don't make any narrative sense but are
entertaining as fuck; Joel, who's all about magical realism; Tim... I
don't know what Tim does, but it's like he shows up and unassuming
little miracles happen wherever he points his camera. And then me,
obviously. I wouldn't venture a guess as to what I do. But there's no
hierarchy, there's no who's-fucking-who bullshit, and really very little
competition... just people using sounds and images in whatever ways
please them. The point is, I think your approach to music and our
approach to film have a great deal in common. Which isn't me imploring
you to go back to film... I'd just hate it if you went away from film
thinking that what you'd experienced was universal and inevitable.

Your writing was pretty damn good for a first draft, though... really
solid opening paragraph, kinda eases you in without compromising the
tone of the piece.

> Speaking of blogs, how about we just post our correspondance as a joint
> entry? It covers a fair bit of ground so far...

Yeah, sure... if you like, feel free. Is it cool if it lives at your
house? I don't think I have room for it on my blog.

Anyway... take it easy,
Amy

Posted by fiffdimension at April 8, 2004 09:06 PM | TrackBack