Schrodinger's Cat

My last day of being 24.

It’s been an interesting year, ups and downs more pronounced than usual and holding a number of surprises. I told my flatmate at the start of the year that things would have to be radically different from last year, and then the prophecy came true. I still haven’t left Wellington though I’ve taken a step towards it by getting a job out of town for the summer.

Dave at 22 – bummed around somewhat, finished The Marion Flow album which had been hanging around for a while, finished university and to my own surprise caught the attention of a female fellow student…

Dave at 23 – spent the entire year in a secure relationship, using it as a base from which to explore inner space. No fashion sense, no money, still living under delusion of imminent career in film. Became somewhat housebound, started vege garden, locking me into slow timescale watching the seasons (& hinting at affinity with nature). Doing good work writing – made first book (half the length of a novel but a solid chunk of work nonetheless) and intensely introspective solo album Mantis Shaped and Worrying. Unfortunately the combination of introspection and isolation from lack of funds became unsustainable. Smoking large amounts of pot. Girlfriend got film career happening, Dave got frustrated, wedge is driven between. Burnout over summer, fictionalised in story 'Overgrowth' (on website).

Dave at 24 – dumped. Emotional chaos in contradiction to logic of situation – she came, she went away; no net loss. Developed unnatural bald spot and first wrinkles in response to stress. Taunted by ex-girlfriend’s hard-partying lifestyle. Unpleasant flatmates. Loneliness. Cockroaches in kitchen. Survival through pragmatism – had to get back to basics since no longer able to handle complexity. Cut down on pot. Took up shitty labouring jobs, and was eventually able to drag self out of debt. Stroke of luck when offered temporary fulltime work over the winter at Department of Conservation – challenging, interesting, regular pay, new life direction? Bald spot went away (medical intervention). Good vibes from conservation work contrast with disillusionment with film. Finally found the right guys to form a band with – The Winter was born. DOC contract ended, period of return to unemployment in dirty flat. Decadent phase, pot-smoking again – finished off album Loose Autumn Moans, musically successful but tainted by circumstances. Dave went home one night with transsexual prostitute for unprotected sex, possibly picking up HIV or Hepatitis – indifference to own life makes all other achievements for naught? The Winter in hiatus for summer. Dave got summer job in Paekakariki, getting outdoors for field-work experience and good muscle tone, pay not great but OK. Feeling much better now, except for worry about the result of the Russian Roulette.

Dave at 25 – goes to get blood test…

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Posted by fiffdimension at December 8, 2003 09:04 PM | TrackBack