Talked to the post-grad co-ordinator (or some such title) yesterday, and she is suggesting I take a years suspension, an idea which is supported by two of the three supervisors and has not been canvassed with the other. The opinion of these others is that it will take the pressure off me, let me enjoy the new sprog more, and generally give me some space to get my shit together. I can't disagree with any of these reasons for suspending. And judging by the way I was so strung out when I got here that anything could start tears, a bit more space would be 'useful'.
But the thought of a years suspension gives me the strong impression I will be doing this PhD for another year and a bit (you can't hand in when you are suspended, officially you are not even supposed to work on the PhD). The thought I could be in much the same place in another years times makes me feel literally sick. A six month suspension means I will be finishing in 2004 whether its easy or not, a year means the finish date could be 2005.
Now I know I can work (illegally) through 2004 and get things done, and that no-one really expects me to do nothing next year, but it is a mental thing. The suspension makes the 2005 date a possibility, one that I don't want existing. My stomach sinks with the possibility.
I know I will do the sensible thing, give myself some stress reduction and apply for the year. I don't like it though, and nobody is gonna make me like it.
Dammit, I want this book out of my life.
Posted by Toni at December 16, 2003 08:32 AM