beautiful monsters: October 2006 Archives

October 20, 2006

Recovery/Reflections/New tattoo

This new tat was part of my post General Assembly recovery. It is a young kahikatea, which for me symbolises the potential for strength. Despite growing in the swampy areas that may seem undesirable to some, the kahikatea grows to be the tallest tree in the forest. And they grow together in stands, their roots interlocking, so that when storms come they hold each other up.



These pieces were written following the 2006 ruling of the Presbyterian Church of Aotearoa NZ, that the church "may not accept for training, license, ordain or induct anyone involved in a sexual relationship outside of faithful marriage between a man and a woman."


In the beginning there was desolation
and in the desolation there was weeping
And the tears filled an ocean
and the ocean raged.
The world was engulfed in darkness
and over the black waters
the spirit sighed
and hoped for light.

We come together in a time of desolation
longing for the God
who is the salt within our tears.

We come together in a time of darkness
searching for the God
who cries out with our pain.

We come together when love has been beaten
calling out to the God
who carries our bruises.

We come together when hope has been pierced by nails
reaching out to the God
who tastes the blood of our suffering.

We come together in a time of lamentation
hoping for the God
who brings light, even in the deepest darkness.


When will the day come
when no child will learn to hate herself?

How long, oh God, how long?

When will the day come
when no teenager will have to hide his love?

How long, oh God, how long?

When will the day come
when no father will say “you are not my son”.

How long, oh God, how long?

When will the day come
when no mother will wonder “why can’t you change?”

How long, oh God, how long?

When will the day come
when no one must choose between Church and love?

How long, oh God, how long?

When will the day come
when not one of God’s children will be shut outside?

How long, oh God, how long?

When will the day come
when we stand together, trusting our common ground?

How long, oh God, how long?

When will the day come
when we will walk forward together, in justice and love.

How long, oh God, how long?


We know the hush
when singing has been silenced.

We know the bitter pain
of exclusion.

We have hoped through our tears
and wept through our hoping.

We have felt the brutality
of the world around us.

We have felt sting of blows
that come from within this Church, your body.

God of love
you came among us
you bore the humiliation
you felt the piercing nails.
Human and vulnerable
you doubted, and you wept.

When our hearts get weighed down
When we forget the nearness of your kingdom
Lead us to the fig tree, open our eyes
lest we should miss the green promise
of new leaves sprouting

You showed us a truth
worth dying for.

Help us embrace a truth
worth living for.

Remind us always of your promise
No one is left outside of your love.


When Jesus came to General Assembly

When Jesus came to General Assembly
he moved around, quietly, on the edges
listening to the murmurs, the grumbles, the yawns.

A few times, he stood up to speak.
He told some stories, asked questions,
threw in a riddle or two.
“What is the most important thing?” he asked.
But nobody paid any attention
so he spelled it out, nice and slow.

When Jesus came to Assembly
he reasoned, he ranted, he raged,
he stood up on his seat,
threw his head back
and cried out

Then he curled up and wept
his body shuddering with grief.

When Jesus came to Assembly,
he sat beside people,
held them,
sang with them,
listened to their stories.
His shirt became soaked with tears.

At lunchtime, he mingled
kept asking all the hard questions
didn’t make many friends
but some people sat and listened,
mulled it over.
A few even got up.
Slowly, cautiously.
There was just something about him
made them want to get up out of their seats.

When Jesus came to Assembly
he left again.
Threw his voting papers on the floor
ripped up the neatly typed Minutes.
Walked down the aisle.
and through the doors.

In the foyer he gathered up the leftover lunches
put them all in a big plastic sack.
and then kept walking.

He was last seen
in a dodgy part of town
giving away free sandwiches.
There were tears glistening on his cheeks
but those who saw him said he looked hopeful.
“He was just getting on with it, ya know?
Like he was broken and hurting,
but every now and then, I could've sworn,
I saw him smile.”

Posted by Fionnaigh at 09:11 AM | TrackBack

October 07, 2006


Found this amongst my bits and pieces of writing and it made me laugh.

When I die I want to be a gay boy.
I want to come back to this earth
through a haze of glitter, drinking
Absolute Vodka and singing Madonna.
I want to wear tiny hot pants and sequins,
get all the best parts in drama school,
experiment with an older boy at scout camp.
and say “dahling” without sounding ridiculous.

Posted by Fionnaigh at 02:33 AM | TrackBack