It’s just struck me, lately, what was wrong with my experiences of church as a teenager. I mean, other than the music... and the homophobia... and the spiritual slayings... it went deeper than any of that.
I started to think about it during a lecture that Lloyd Geering gave at St Andrew’s this week. I’m not sure if I can remember it all correctly, but you can buy a copy of the lectures on CD (contact St Andrew’s). Anyway, he said that the “Pauline” stream of Christians, (who, decades after the death of Jesus, wrote Matthew, Mark, Luke and Acts) changed the focus from the message to the messenger. In his presentation on “The Quest for the Historical Jesus”, Lloyd explained that there’s a reason why Jesus is reported as telling people not to tell everyone that he was the messiah: Because, when the gospels were written, there would still be people around who knew Jesus, and knew that he said no such thing. So they wrote it as though it was a secret between Jesus and the disciples, so that was the explanation for why people hadn’t heard him calling himself the messiah.
All the stuff about Jesus being the Way, the Lord, my personal saviour, never really sat right with me. So I was pleased when Lloyd said that those bits were all written in by Paul et al., and the more reliable accounts are those of Thomas, James, Didache, etc, who focus on the message, social justice, loving our enemies, feeding the poor.
That was the problem with my old church experiences. We were so busy worshiping the messenger we forgot about his message.
Someone on the last Living the Questions DVD said that there are 2 types of Christianity. One that asks “what can God do for me?” (save me, personally, from damnation, lift me up, bless me, etc). The other asks “what can I do for God?” (social justice, love). I used to belong to the first group. We never talked about the unjust distribution of wealth, or about being inclusive, or about disarmament. We talked about our personal testimonies, how we were saved, and then we went about our mission of saving others. When I look at the verses that are underlined in my old bible, they are all about what God can do for me.
The other, scarier problem was the lack of questioning. The Bible was the Truth, the whole Truth and nothing but the Truth. And the minister or youth pastor or visiting leader’s interpretation of the Bible was not to be questioned. If I didn’t believe something, if it seemed wrong to me, I prayed that God would help me to have faith and believe it. I didn’t ask questions, I didn’t explore things myself. I listened to what the leaders said, and then I went home, and tried to make myself believe it.
I’m glad that now I have found a place where I am encouraged to ask questions, and where I can question our leaders. And I’m glad that instead of focusing on saving people for the next life, we are concentrating on walking the way of love and compassion in this life.
My standard 4 teacher Mrs Clarke told our class that learning to question, and to think independently, were the most important skills she could help us learn. She told us about going on CND marches to Ban the Bomb, about how she viewed her life the time she almost drowned trapped under an up-turned boat, and she also taught us to sing protest songs and sea shanties.
Great woman. We need more women like her - and you dear Fionnaigh are one of these.
Love Kay