Things have kinda been a mess lately, but I’m trying to put them right.
I have this piece of paper pinned to my wall by the computer that says, “recovery is my number one priority.” And I realised today what that means.
It means that trying to please everyone cannot be my number one priority.
And it means that worrying about whether creepy guys are going to do icky things to other people because I didn’t stop them… cannot be my number one priority.
And updating my blogging, and blog traffic, and comments, and having something really witty and insightful to say about the US elections… none of this can be my number one priority.
Cos I can only have one number one.
I might keep blogging. I might not. I dunno. I’ll leave it sitting here in case it feels like the right thing to do. But I’m switching off comments. Cos I’m so sick of spam. It makes me sick. And cos some of the comments lately have really upset me. And I’m kinda fragile at the moment. Like I read some comment some stranger has written on my blog, and I feel like I’m falling to pieces. I think, well, I think I could get through this if I got really wasted. Either that or I could jump off a bridge.
I’m not meaning to sound like I’m blaming someone… not saying anyone has pushed me to this. I was already teetering on the edge. I’m just saying I’m a mess. I can’t handle life. I need to be around people who will be loving and accepting and gentle. I’ve met a lot of loving, accepting, gentle people thru blogging. But it’s too hard to avoid the people who are not.
So I guess it’s goodbye, for now.
Might catch ya later.