beautiful monsters

Why?

The service was really lovely. Mostly. Except for the school chaplain, who harped on about how Sunny was the exact replica of all the other students at the school, and so proud of the school motto... yeah right. And then there was that other religious guy, who seemed to think that Sunny’s death was caused by the lowering of the drinking age. Or possibly Metallica.

In fact, the Reverends weren’t the only ones blaming rock and roll. I overheard several parents talking about the “dark” music the kid had listened too, and how unhealthy it was, the way boys shut themselves up in their rooms with such morbid music. And did you see his sketch book? He’d been drawing pictures of death.

In my experience, many teenage boys will, at some point, spend their time doodling images of the Grim Reaper. The vast majority of them will also listen to rock music. That doesn’t mean that Marilyn Manson made them do it.

I like Metallica. Sometimes they fit my mood. Sometimes I can relate to the sounds, to the lyrics. Actually no, mostly I think the lyrics are pretty much lacking in poetry, it’s just the music I like. But, the point is, it doesn’t make me want to rush out and kill myself. In fact, sometimes it helps me not to. I put on some loud, dark music, and jump around a bit, and it gets stuff out of my system.

I guess it just makes me angry, when people fixate on something like that, as though we could put the drinking age back up, and ban rock music, and the youth suicide would just disappear. It’s not that simple. Actually, speaking of drinking, did you know that the youth suicide rate in New Zealand has been dropping? Yeah, that’s right, since the drinking age was lowered less young people have killed themselves. Go figure.

The causes of suicide are complex, and there are many things that come into play. But I really, really, don’t think music is one of the big players.

Having said that, I don’t know what the causes are. Often it’s got something to do with depression, or addiction, or some other illness. But not always. For me it has been utter hopelessness that has made me want to escape. Not believing that things could ever get better. Not thinking that the slim chance life might get better was worth the risk of it getting worse.

Maybe it’s got something to do with the way we treat each other. The way live on little islands. Not even islands, rafts, and logs, drifting around. And we pass hundreds of people every day – sometimes we smile at them, sometimes we don’t. We have problems, and sometimes we talk to our friends, but we don’t want to be a burden on them. We have to look after ourselves. Don’t we? Well, some of us can’t get through on our own. And some of us need more support than others. And I know from experience that real support is damn hard to find.

Maybe the problems is that we’re so focussed on finding The Cause, a tangible problem that we can tackle, preferably an evil that we can beat to a pulp. Like some demon that is using music to lure young people to their deaths, and all we have to do is... oh no, wait, this isn’t an episode of Buffy.

Maybe facing the real problems will be scary. We might even have to give something up. Change the way we live.

But then, it would be so much easier to just burn a couple of musicians at the stake and try to forget.

*

before you judge me take a look at you
can't you find somethig better to do
point the finger, slow to understand
arrogance and ignorance go hand in hand…

...and my ties are severed clean
the less I have the more I gain
off the beaten path I reign
rover wanderer
nomad vagabond
call me what you will
but I'll take my time anywhere
I'm free to speak my mind anywhere
and I'll never mind anywhere
anywhere I may roam
where I lay my head is home
carved upon my stone
my body lie, but still I roam
wherever I may roam

- Metallica

Posted by Fionnaigh at February 11, 2004 10:22 PM