(I feel like I should slap one of those content warnings on this, but I'm not sure exactly what it should say. Content may offend? Disturb? Not be suitable for reading in an open-plan office situation?).
“We’re going to the jungle,” Raquel shouted across the street. “Come with us.” I grinned at her. My week had been boring as hell; if she’d said “we’re going Morris dancing,” I would have followed her. She came inside to explain to Antonietta that we were going out for the afternoon. I ditched my school bag and changed out of my uniform.
Manuel, Beni and I sat in the back of the truck. We were tossed around as Mario swerved to avoid the largest potholes, or rattled through the small ones. Beni put his arms around me in the darkness, but his bony limbs provided little cushioning.
When we climbed out of the truck we found ourselves in a clearing beside a corrugated iron shack. A tangle of trees rose around us, and I could hear toucans somewhere near by. Mario lit a fire, and we crouched beside it to share a bottle of pineapple wine. The drink was so sweet it seemed to burn my throat. When Raquel passed a joint around, Beni laughed at me. I found it hard to hold my breath in, and the smoke leaked out of my nostrils.
After a while Beni wandered off into the trees, and beckoned for me to follow him. I got up, thinking he wanted to show me something. Away from the firelight he leaned against a tree, grabbed my shoulders and pushed me down onto my knees. It took me a moment to realise what he wanted. I felt the familiar freezing sensation in my mind. Faced with an erection, I always felt it was my fault, like I was obliged to do something about it.
Beni seemed to have a bottomless libido. Sometimes I thought he was about to cum, but it was always a false alarm. He pushed my head back when I tried to come up for air. I don’t want to die like this. Thoughts raced through my head like alarms going off, but I had no way to evacuate. I had no idea where we were, or how far from San Carlos. Finally he seemed to loose interest, and wandered back to the fire. I slumped against the tree for a few minutes. I couldn’t remember how to cry.
Back at the fire the others were all moving into the shack. “Are we staying here?” I asked Raquel. “But… I haven’t told Antonietta. She’ll worry.” Raquel just giggled.
There were three camp beds in the shack. Beni beckoned me over to one of them, but I crawled in with Manuel, and tried not to listen to Raquel and Mario fucking. After a few minutes I felt Manuel pushing me down the bed. I don’t think he noticed my tears. He proved to have as much stamina as Beni. Eventually I pretended to fall asleep. Manuel whispered a few times, and prodded my back, then he gave up and jerked off beside me. I lay with my arms wrapped tightly around my chest, listening to the shack moving in the wind, and animals snuffling outside. I was still awake when the first birds began to cry. I crept outside and waited till the others woke and packed up to leave.
It was raining when they dropped me back in San Carlos. At first I tilted back my head and felt the fat drops burst on my face, but soon the water in the streets was up to my ankles and my clothes were drenched.
That night I had really bad asthma, which soon developed into a chest infection. My entire extended host family seemed to be convinced that I was either lovesick or homesick. No one made me hot lemon drinks or brought me books to read, or showed the slightest sign of sympathy. Antonieta came into my room one night and told me I had to ask Jesus to come into my heart and help me and give me peace, and he would heal me, and she’d wake me up early for school.
After a few days I decided I needed to see a doctor, so Antonieta called her brother. He gave me a packet of antihistamines. I explained to him that I was already taking anti-histamines for hayfever, but they wouldn’t help at all for the asthma.
During the night I started coughing up blood, so on Saturday I got myself to the Montesinai clinic. The doctor looked at the medication I’d been given and shook his head with a slightly incredulous look. He gave me some new medications. I was now taking eleven different pills and potions, not counting panadol or vitamins.
I decided that I was going to get an early night, but I couldn’t get to sleep for hours. The TV was going, Pablo was crying, and someone seemed to be dragging furniture around just outside my door. When I managed to doze off for a few minutes, Antonieta walked through my room to the bathroom – I probably wouldn’t have woken if she hadn’t said “Con Permiso” on her way through. It was so hot, and there was a mosquito buzzing around my head. Then a cat started yowling under my window, and soon another one joined in. After a hissing and shrieking at each other for a while, one of them fled, pounding across the roof. At four o’clock Pablo woke up crying and didn’t stop. At five o’clock I gave up on getting any sleep.
Posted by Fionnaigh at August 15, 2003 08:22 AM