July 07, 2003
Weekend report: Snow and trashy literature
The last three days I have looked out my window to see snow on the mountains across the harbour. Just a light dusting, like someone sprinkled icing sugar over the hills. Nothing worth getting excited about if you’re from Canada or Sweden… but here, we’re not used to it being quite so cold. This weekend Aotearoa was hit by the worst snowstorms we’ve seen in 40 years. Hundreds of people spent the night in a military camp after getting stranded on the icy roads, and 10,000 homes were without power on Saturday night.
That was our car, parked in J’ville on Saturday night.
And these are my handpainted personalised clogs – they even have my name on them. Made in Sweden and sent to me for my birthday by my Svensk bro, Tomas.
The Ex Libris Papers Continue to Grow…
Trying to write a novel? Having problems with the first line?
Reading a book? Don’t like the way it begins?
Our team of talented writers are here to help you!
Here’s a tantalising selection of our mindboggling one-liners.
You’ll laugh. You’ll cry.
You’ll wonder what the f$#k was in the guacamole…
“Cherry wandered aimlessly towards the stables sighing softly as she remembered the splendid way that Nancy had filled out her jodhpurs as she mounted Bessie earlier that morning.” KR
“The sun rose slowly through the putrid yellowed haze…” AE
“Tania had started walking home from the bus already wet and tired and by the time she made it home her bra was the only thing holding out against the water.” CM
“Be vigilant, be vigilant, or God will turn away from you, leaving you wandering in the desert like a tumbleweed on crack until the next morning when your eyeballs are bloodshot and red when he will show you once more the light.” IW
“I stumbled backwards as the dreadful realisation hit me like a punch in the guts I began to comprehend the ghastly fate rushing towards me.” FM
“The Herzwesten bubbled and roiled in the huge oak barrel, much like the thoughts of Brunehilda that percolated through Brian’s muddled brain.” KR
“Jeanette dashed into the cafe, escaping the teeming rain that was waterblasting the Wellington streets and causing the sewers to overflow making Lampton Quay smell like a dead Venetian’s armpit.” CR
“In a hole in the ground there lived an orc…” AC
“The sound of orc marching songs echoed through the hills; “Where there’s a whip *k’pish!* there’s a way…” FM
“The smoke from Beowolf’s funeral pyre curled towards the night sky, while the poor dragon mouldered and was eaten by maggots.” CR
“Ashnak didn’t like wizards.” LP
“Now that we have categorically proven that J. K. Rowling is the Devil and Harry Potter to be one of his chief imps we implore you to consign your child’s copies of those dreadful books to the fires of hell where they belong.” KR
“Gosh, you’ll be able to get so much shopping into that new hatchback of yours Nancy.” LP
“The column of soldiers pushed through the long summer grass, glints of sunlight sparkling off breastplates, helmets and the tips of a forest of pikes.” AC
“So that must mean that when dad wrote ‘evil dark and threatening squid overlord’ on the family tree, he wasn’t referring to Auntie Jemima after all… Oh my god!” IW
“As I gazed at the glistening scales that had started to cover my forearms a scream bubbled in my burgeoning gills and I cried out to the luminous moon… “Mother – you Halibut!” KR
“Brian Duffy awoke with his face in the dirt of a dusty alley and the strange convection that he owned more clothes than the ones he appeared to have on.” CM
“In that place a mighty oak tree grew, and all those who picnicked beneath it were prone to bouts of rampant naughtiness.” IW
Posted by Fionnaigh at July 7, 2003 10:41 AM