beautiful monsters

Think you know me, do ya?

Well, actually some of you got frighteningly high answers on my friendship quiz!

Wendy just got me thinking about one-sided relationships. Something I specialise in, it would seem, but most of mine occur off rather than online.

Not all one-sided relationships are unhealthy. Where would we be if counsellors told us as much as we tell them? Oh no, wait, isn’t that called co-counselling. Hmmm… The whole counselling situation is kinda weird. There’s such incredible trust involved, and sometimes it isn’t justified. And it’s so bizarre the way when the counselling ends, that’s it. The relationship is over. You’ve told this person your deepest darkest secrets, you’ve had an incredibly intense (one-way) relationship with them, and then bang! That’s it. From now on if you pass them in the street, they may or may not acknowledge you exist.

I don’t find blogging so one-sided. But that’s because a lot of the people who read (or at least comment on) my blog are people I know, or I read their blogs. I feel like I know some of the people I’ve met through blogging better than friends I’ve known for years – but they tend to be the people who write really personal and thoughtful blogs, not the ones who write really boring, weird, or superficial blogs.

I guess people often reveal only their better sides online. Or at least, they are choosing what they want the world to see. Perhaps that partly explains why it seems to be quite easy to develop a crush on someone’s online personality. It’s not really that different from having a crush on a celebrity. It’s one sided and you’re only seeing part of the picture. But online you actually have a way of communicating with the object of your adulation.

But why does it seem almost easier for people to develop virtual crushes than to fall into lust with acquaintances from unplugged life? Is it just because some days the Internet seems like a giant dating machine, where everyone you bump into is only interested in finding out how old you are and whether you’re within fucking distance, and life is all about finding a relationship and/or sex.

Well, frankly, it’s starting to bore me. I like having friendships with interesting people online, exchanging ideas and opinions. But online relationships seem to be bright flames that burn briefly. They start off with 10,000 word emails exchanged several times a day, but gradually fade into chatroom conversations that involve one person giving a commentary of what their flatmate is doing in the background. The emails slow to a trickle, then stop completely.

None of my exclusively online relationships have lasted… and I reckon it’s because there is something missing. Something that is vague and hard to pin down. Something to do with laughing together. Sharing chocolate cake in a late night cafe. Crying against the firm curve of a shoulder. Dancing around a campfire, trying to avoid the smoke. Sharing the cramped shelter of a messy tent. Sitting in silence, watching the sun set over the ocean. Just being. Together.

Posted by Fionnaigh at July 3, 2003 01:15 AM