beautiful monsters

got any change?

Started writing a comment on Iona’s blog, and then decided to blog about the topic myself. I mean, everyone else on Stonesoup seems to be doing it, and I don’t wanna be uncool or anything!

I’m the sort of person who feels really bad if someone asks for something and I don’t/can’t/won’t give it. I feel guilty and it plagues me for years. This was a problem in Costa Rica, where the streets were filled with people begging. I still haven't worked out how to deal with it. In San Carlos people would come up to me when I was eating with friends in a cafe, and I would cringe with shame while they looked at me with pleading eyes. That sort of thing happened every day, over and over. Sometimes I gave some money. Sometimes I didn’t. I figured if I gave money to everyone, I would soon run out, and then what would I do?

In San Jose there were often people lying to tourists to get money, saying they’d been robbed or something, and you’d see them in different parts of the city day after day after day telling the same story to new tourists. I never gave money to people in San Jose. Except children.

The times I don’t give money when people ask, I tend to console myself with all the ways I do give. I’ve been doing volunteer work as long as I can remember, like working for Trade Aid. In Costa Rica I volunteered with SVOSH, doing free eye tests and giving out donated glasses in the poorer areas of San Carlos. That was incredibly rewarding… and also depressing and exhausting, and some people spat in our faces (usually metaphorically). These days I give donations to the people's center, and to UNICEF. I don't know if I do this because I am a "good person" or because I suffer from Catholic Guilt (I rather suspect the latter, which is strange because I was raised an atheist).

Back home in Aoteroa, I usually give people money if they ask. People ask so seldom, compared to in Costa Rica. Sometimes I’ll sit down and talk to someone, ask how they ended up in this situation, or just talk about their day. If I have money to spare, I’ll give it to them.

There’s this one guy who I’m really fond of. He’s sometimes called Tarzan, or the Blanket Man, I can't remember is other name. I’ve talked to him quite a few times – he’s never asked me for money though, and I’ve never given him any. These days I’m usually in too much of a rush to hang out with him, but when I have more time I might go and hang out again, share lunch or something.

I wrote him a poem once. I’ve never given it to him, I’m not sure how he’d take it.

Tarzan

He spins a spade around
like a taiaha

this is his weapon
against the system

we break open the earth
and plant broccoli
and sunflowers
ti-kouka

this is our
home

he says
call me brother

when he smiles
it’s like before Maui
caught the sun.

Posted by Fionnaigh at May 8, 2003 03:12 PM